Eyes to the Sky

2004-07-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

Danielle, I *heart* you!!!

Wahoo....that makes me happy. Thank you so much. I looked at my blog and thought, hmm...that's different. Hurrah! I hope you're having a fun summer =D

2004-07-21T23:47:00.000-07:00

you're lucky my gameboy died.

The only good thing about the new blogger layout is when someone updates, it's at the top of the list of blogs. Since Cris mentioned not having links, I put those on the side, as well as her old tagboard and comment system. She'll notice the changes... eventually.

- Dee, the html fairy.

2004-07-21T16:14:00.000-07:00

I can see the ends of the earth in your eyes.

I highly doubt anyone reads this anymore considering I have both ceased updating and have not yet put my links back on. However, for the mere possibility that this will reach someone at home, I shall write.

So what has Cristina been up to?
Well......quite a bit. I'm in Sweden at the moment along with Gillian, Megan Plisky, Eddie Ottie, Danielle Falk, Marc, and Borneman. Scandinavia is beautiful and Stockholm rocks my socks off. I love traveling. I love Europe. I love seeing new things and meeting interesting people. As you can tell I'm quite content.

I miss a few things though. The main things being people.
The first few weeks of summer were perfect, until I realized how badly Christy felt like I was hurting her. I didn't mean to replace her. I didn't mean to ignore her. She was working, and I was constantly hanging out with Ivan. (Whom, might I add, I will not be seeing until December. However, that is a completely different story, one which I don't care to explain at the moment.) I get back from Europe on the 13th of August, just in time for Malou's debut!! And I leave for Connecticut on the 27th. That gives us two weeks.

Climbing Mt. Whitney for the second time was awesome. Andrew was cool to camp with even though he punked out of doing Langley. A huge blizzard hit us at the very top and it was quite interesting finding the path in a whiteout. It was freezing, and there were a few moments that we were a bit worried, but thankfully we're still alive. After that week, I got a few things checked off of my things-to-do-before-turning-18 list, which included learning to surf, learning to drive stick, running up to the cross in ventura, skinny dipping, falling in love, seeing a shooting star, and a few other things I won't mention.

I still have about three weeks of traveling. Ivan's in Hawaii this week with his family, and he leaves for the John Muir trail before I go back to Cali. I leave for CT, and he get home. We miss each other by about two days each time. It's cruel.
Who would have thought things were going to turn out this way? I still have no idea what's going to happen.....but at this point it doesn't matter because I know we'll be good friends no matter what life brings. It's hard to explain or describe just why or how I can be so absurdly happy with him.

Anyway, I'm off to bed since it's almost 2am here? I'll update later with lots of Gillian's and my adventures.

2004-06-03T00:32:00.002-07:00

The universe is shaped exactly like the earth,
if you go straight long enough you'll end up where you were.

Research papers are pointless. It's synthesizing other people's syntheiezations of someone else's research or findings. How can I give credit to someone's paper who took all there stuff from someone else? Do I just give credit to the first person? (Even though they probably got it from someone else anyway.) Psh, nothing is original anymore.

Good thing I just found a really bitchin article. The rough drafts for our physics projects are due tomorrow. Ash, Malou, and I are doing the physics of track and field :o) hehe. It's pretty interesting, but now I realize I'm more interested in relativity and cosmology. Oh well, it's just a project. Hilburn probably won't even read through the entire paper, since he'll have so many to read. That annoys me. The man is intelligent but I wish he was a more proficient teacher. He makes me really, really miss Mr. Hoag.

A Brief History of Time, by Stephen Hawking, is the coolest book ever. I'm really enjoying it, despite not being a huge fan of quantum mechanics. I like the relativity stuff because it's all theoretical, much like philosophy. Cosmology is freaking crazy but super interesting. The Oxnard Library, despite having a pitiful science research section, has quite a nice selection of relativity (and neuroscience) books which I shall hopefully devour this summer. Mmmm.....free reading.....how I love thee.

How strange change is. It's probably a good thing that I haven't been updating. All my posts would be about the year ending or about Ivan (lol, jk). My feelings keep oscillating between not wanting things to end and the utter excitement that thoughts of next year (and summer) bring. I have so many things to look forward to. I guess that makes all the things I have to say good-bye to, easier to leave? I don't like endings. The other day at lunch, however, I was looking around at all the people we've been with since forever, and I realized how badly I wanted something new......new faces.....new surroundings.....something stimulating and exciting. I know I've grown attached to certain things and close to a lot of people, but leaving isn't going to be so bad. We weren't meant to stay here forever.

Enough for now. Back to the joys of research papers...

"What's the point? It's like trying to escape the inevitable..."-Ivan

Sometimes, I just want to kick that boy. But other times, I don't know what I'd do without him.

2004-05-10T23:23:00.000-07:00

Are souls redeemable?

Hello everyone. I suppose I'm still alive.

Today marks the end of my AP tests. Yes, all five....done.

Spanish and English went rather well. Bio was neutral. Calc and Physics
were the equivalent of a blood bath. But all in all, nothing I couldn't
survive.

For those of you who don't see me daily, I've been a pleasant shade
of mellow there last few weeks. Not counting the lovely 9 hours the
bio/physics kids had today, AP hadn't really gotten to me. Maybe we've
become more immune to then the second year around?

I'm looking forward to a nice last month of high school, as
scary/exciting as that sounds.

Prom was absolutely slamming. Everyone was beautiful and looked like
they enjoyed themselves. I had an incredible evening of which I should
have pictures up of some time this week.

"White girl has moves?!" -Clari about me, lol

I'm really glad I went to after prom even though Ivan couldn't go. It
made me sooo happy to see the Return. Sheesh those boys make me hot.
Josh is right, rocking out to loud music relieves stress.

Isaac's play, Footloose, was pretty freaking amazing too. Dang, that
boy can move and sing. I <3 mi hermano.

After the physics AP test (last one!) Malou and I went out to Ozeki's.
MMmmmm, such goodness.....both food and conversation. She is the voice of
reason in my head when I decided to actually pay attention. (lol, Gillian
too...but it's different...*wink*)

Maybe it's the summer time that puts me in such a good mood. Or maybe
it's knowing that I'm going to really enjoy the next four years of my
life and have been very lucky in the whole college process. Or perhaps
it's knowing that when I'm in Connecticut, I'll have so many awesome
memories to look back upon, and friends who will forever be a simple
phone call away.

*Quote of the day*
(from Ami-chan's blog)

"In Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, police aren't allowed to walk up and knock
on a car window. Any officer who suspects that sex is taking place must
drive up from behind, honk his horn three times, and wait
approximately 2 minutes before getting out of his car to investigate."
-Strange Sex Laws.

I wish they would do that in THIS state. Crazy nosy policemen.

2004-04-23T17:33:00.000-07:00

I wonder where these dreams go when the world gets in your way.
What's the point in all this screaming? No one's listening anyway.

It's hard to describe how I feel, but something tells me I shouldn't feel this empty or frustrated.
I've actually been doing exactly what I need to be doing: around 6 hours of studying a night,
sleeping 8 hours, eating well, and fitting a run in every day. But somehow I feel a little
hollow.....like a machine. I have to ignore my wants and just keep enduring this torture
for a few more weeks.

Our calculus final is tomorrow at 9 in the morning, and I have practice before that at 7:30.
It's going to be a practice AP test, and I've been studying so freaking much for it, since it's
30% of our grade and it has me more than slightly worried. Our AP test day is the first Wednesday,
the 5th, I think.

APs have me going so crazy. Yeah, what a great idea taking five of them was.
Weeeee....let's watch me go crazy. Last year I took four, so I didn't think it was going to
be a big deal. But then again, last year was pretty crazy too, if I can recall correctly. I do,
however, also recall the feeling during summer when I got the scores back and I knew that
all the time I had put in had actually gotten me somewhere. It feels good to work hard and
have it pay off. I'm really hoping this year will pay off in a similar manner.

But, whatever, everything will work out.

17 days and it will all be over. I just don't want to loose motivation before then.

Oh, is it really the weekend? Hah, yeah right, just more time to study!

2004-04-20T22:48:00.000-07:00

The universe is shaped exactly like the earth,
if you go straight long enough you'll end up where you were.

I need to learn not to post so late at night when all my sanity seems to flee ever so discretely.
I need not say that the day vastly improved and that unhappy pessimistic thoughts only
reside for so long in my head.
Today I silently celebrated the last bunch of physics problems that we will ever need to turn
in for Hilburn's class. Yes, that made me rather happy. I also was able to run to the library
(before we had to turn the problems in at the beginning of 3rd period) to make a copy of
them for Malou, who has been sick for awhile now. In any case, I know what a pain in the
ass they are and any thing I can do to ease the torment of physics for a friend is well worth
my effort.
English wasn't too happy, but meh. As long as I do the whole cliff notes deal before I read
a chapter of HOD, I can generally get through the actual book without either killing myself
or going absolutely mad. Ashley was about ready to kill Mrs. Hilburn at lunch. It was close.

I didn't go to practice today. Considering, however, that if I didn't immediately go home to
cry into my pillow and get a wee bit of bed loving time I might have done some bad, bad
things....I think it was understandable.

Chocolate cake= yummy! I <3 it and the bringer of it as well. (*points to Christy*)
Mexican bread= yummy too!! I <3 it almost as much as I <3 the cool kid and his little sister
who brought it to the sleepy kid (moi).

I have also discovered that the sweetest, most sexy thing a cute guy can do is sing Oasis'
Wonder Wall to me.....in Spanish.
Daaaaamn, you just can't feel down after that.

After waking up and doing homework for awhile, I was reading through some more of the
Trinity stuff and I realize how freaking excited I am about it. The ISP program is going to
rock so hard core and I found out that I can start doing research and even publishing as
early as spring semester my freshman year. Hoooolly cow, that's fantastic. I'm also really
stoked about the classes I'll be taking for my Neuroscience major. Dude, one is
neuropsychopharmacology, (amoung other not-so-cooly-named ones such as
psychobiology and neuropsychology.) Neuroscience is basically a combination of biology
and psycology, as you can gather; a science that seeks to integreate psycological
observations on behavior and the mind with neurological observations on the brain and
nervous system. How sweet does that sound? It's perfect and exactly what I'm interested
in. One of the perks as well, is the limited amout of calculus that will be required on my
behalf. Yes! Not that I hate it, but I find other things far more fascinating and worthy of
my study time.
My poor friend Ivan is going into bioenginerring at UCSD and we were comparing classes;
he'll be doing calc and physics forever. Good thing that he likes it and isn't too bad at it
(understatement!). I think he's absoleutely mad, but he tells me I'm crazy all the time, so
I guess we even out. He's going to be really happy at UCSD and I'm happy for him.

Ok, to homework and then to bed!

Less than four weeks to go now.
We can do this, we reallly can.

Oh! and before I forget, I want to thank Andrew for being so freaking understanding. He
quite possibly saved my lunch from being completely negative. I'm glad things are cleared
up and I'm relieved that things worked out. Man, I'm still really excited about Whitney this
summer.....weeeeeee....... (Connecticut is pretty flat, so I'll have nothing to climb there!
booo to that :-/ )

2004-04-20T00:46:00.000-07:00

Ranting. DON'T read.

It's freaking late and I still have a million things to do for tomorrow (today).
Fuck. I just feel really overwhelmed and undermotivated.

I DON'T want to study for the FIVE AP test coming up.
I DON'T want to be sleep deprived for the next FOUR FUCKING weeks.
I DON'T want my track league-finals to be on the exact same day as one of my tests.
I DON'T want to have worked all afternoon and feel like I've accomplished NOTHING.
I DON'T want to be lectured by Mr. Hilbrun tomorrow about how the class should have
studied more during break.
I DON'T want to have zero time for free reading.
I DON'T want to feel like I have *no* life.
I DON'T want to have to miss 0 period tomorrow due to physics problems cram session
in Nares' room.
I DON'T want to look at Heart of Darkness ever again.
I DON'T want my father to be distant/unhappy.
I DON'T want to think about the future.
I DON'T want my friends to feel like shit.
I DON'T want to read 1984 for gov.
I DON'T want Andrew to be mad at me because of prom.
I DON'T want Ivan to think I'm sad.
I DON'T want to look like the living dead tomorrow.
I sooooo soooo DON'T want to go to school tomorrow.

FUCK.

So what do I want to do?
Sleep. Yeah, that would be nice.

*breathe*

Getting that out only made me feel slightly better and didn't make any of my work disappear.

Either stay out of my way for the next few days or be super nice, but I make no promises not to chew people's heads off. However, by tomorrow most of the anger will have evaporated leaving a layer of sadness.

Stress is killing my optimism and I can't fucking stand it.

*screams*

*cries*

2004-04-18T20:10:00.000-07:00

No, spring break, I simply refuse to let you go!!

*pout*

I can't say that it was too terribly short, unproductive, or boring, but I can say that I want
more of it!!! Ahh, to sleep! What a luxury. And friends, oh yes, I remember you guys now.
=)

Trinity and Connecticut were fantastic. However, flying into a virtually flat and colorless (due
to the lack of leaves on the millions of trees) state was a bit unnerving especially having to
consider the possibility of *not* liking the location I was to inhabit for the next four years.
It had me a bit worried, and more so when we stepped out of the airport into very cold air.
My exposed Californian-sandaled toes were not too happy.
After that we drove around most of the state (not too hard to do!) and visited Trinity. Despite
discovering that the entire coast of Connecticut is comprised of individual homes, I was quite
charmed by the East Coast. (I guess the concept of someone *owning* the beach is a foreign
concept to a Californian such as myself.) The people are super friendly, and apparently they
have actual seasons. What are those? Viewing pictures it is absolutely gorgeous as soon
as spring time hits, and I can't wait to experience snow......weeeeee! Ok, so you might ask
how I'm going to survive without a beach in close proximity.......but, frankly....I'm not sure.
:-/ Any ideas?
Trinity's campus is incredible. It's just West of Hartford and the tall point of the Gothic Cathedral
is visible for miles and miles. There's a huge green area in the middle which continues down
to the soccer fields, football fields, and more importantly...the track :o). The dorms are upscale,
and I'll be living with a mentor and other students in the Interdisciplinary Science Program
(the ISP), which is comprised of 20 students from the incoming 500 or so. The same guy,
Anthony Berry, who thought I deserved the full ride scholarship, recommended me. The director
of the program recognized my name when my dad and I walked up to her at orientation.
Sweeet.
As though that weren't cool enough, my father and I got a personal tour of the science and
bio labs by the head of the neuroscience department, Dr. Church. As of now that's what I
would like to major in, however, as Joshie pointed out, that is very much subject to change.
Anyway, we missed the big science department tour since we were talking to Mr. Berry, but
then we walked by Dr. Church's office who invited us in to talk and then to look around the labs.
ISP students can begin doing research as soon as Sophomore year and the CT hospital is
only a few blocks away with which the college has excellent ties. I'll probably be doing a lot
of interning work there.
I have a really good feeling about everything.
Oh! yeah.....there's more. So, I walk into the Cross Country coach's office and tell him that
I'm going to be running for him next season. He asked for my times and then told me that
I had made his day, lol. He got my info and said he would keep in touch with me because
XC people get to go a week early to campus to begin practicing. He also said that meets
were every Saturday once season began and that they were all over New England- New York
to Maine. So that solves the question to how I'm going to see the East Coast.
I saw Angeline there on Tuesday, but she didn't seem as thrilled about Trin as I did. Oh well,
it would have been fun knowing someone at such a far away liberal arts school.
Before leaving, I told Christy that I was really worried about liking it or not. She looked me
in the eyes with a smile and said that God would not have opened such a big door for me
if that weren?t where I was supposed to be. In moments of doubt, I reminded myself of that,
and felt better.
Maybe I would have been just as happier at ucla, Boston U, Brown, or Berkeley, but one, I'll
never know, so I can't know what I'm missing, and two, I feel like I'm taking a huge financial
burden off of my father, which also makes me feel better.
It seems like there are many things I can take advantage of at Trinity, and I plan to do so.
The welcome day got me really excited not just about Trin, but about college in general. I have
a feeling that we're all going to love it, despite being distant from the ones that mean so much
to us....

which brings me to my next point. Gillian, Christy, and I had an awesome day on Friday. Santa
Barbara is always nice, but the beach on the way back was just what we needed. Maybe
it's just me, but I feel tension sometimes between us, most likely due to all the insane stress
and pressure of planning out our futures. In any case, the beach was the exact opposite
of stress and tension. We were just walking around initially, but then I took off my clothes
and jumped in the water. (Oh yeah, I had a bikini on, if you're wondering.) Gillian striped
too *gasp*, and Christy, with no bathing suit was on the verge of removing her jeans when
she discovered she could simply pull them up. She was hesitant, so I helped her out by grabbing
her arm and gently forcing her into the water with me. Yes, I know, I'm such a considerate
friend. No need to thank me, Christy. ;-) Then we played leap frog on the sand, and then
did cartwheels and spins. Hahaha......yes, we are nerds, but it was fun and relaxing as all
heck, so go on an judge as we tilt our heads back in laughter. I felt so far away from worries
or troubles. I simply felt....freee....and happy....and full of hope.
I <3 friends and I <3 the beach.

Ok, so I hope everyone had a nice spring break, too bad it's over and back to school we go,
memories in hand and spirits rejuvenated.

APs coming up, but I'll try to think of them as little as possible.

Heart of Darkness is uninteresting and tedious for me, but with cliffnotes it's bearable, I suppose.
Good luck to everyone on their last minute homework doings.
(Though we all know Gillian was done yesterday!! hehe.)

Joshie, have fun at NU though I'll miss you in 1st period. :-/ You're leaving me alone with
all those standard class kids?? (heeeheee....jk, I'm not quite that elitist.) And are you happy?
Not one mention of youknowwho at all!! Buahaha.....I suppose that writing in a real journal
helps.....I'll spare everyone on that subject. You can thank Josh.

*song of the moment*
Modest Mouse- Gravity Rides Everything

Oh gotta see, gotta know right now
What's that riding on your everything?
It isn't anything at all
Oh gotta see, gotta know right now
What's that writing on your shelf
In the bathrooms and the bad motels?
No one really cared for it at all
Not the gravity plan
Early, early in the morning
It pulls all on down my sore feet
I wanna go back to sleep
In the motions and the things that you say
It all will fall, fall right into place
As fruit drops, flesh it sags
Everything will fall right into place
When we die, some sink and some lay
But at least I don't see you float away
And all the spilt milk, sex and weight
It all will fall, fall right into place

2004-04-11T16:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, Gillian, since I promised to do it before I left, I put them up instead of packing.
So when I'm walking around Connecticut naked, I hope you are happy.

Anyway, here are the six flags pictures.

My flight leaves at 10:10 tonight and we leave for the air port at six. I still have an hour
and a half to pack, lol. It hasn't really sunken in yet, maybe because I've never flown
somewhere quite so late in the day. In any event, in fewer than 11 hours I will be seeing
the city that shall be my residence for the next four years. Sheesh, I hope I like it.

Christy left this morning for Davis. I hope she and her dad had a nice drive up. (Crap!
I forgot to giver her the thing to give to Emil and Charisse! grrrrrr)
Ivan's
getting home from San Jose tonight around 9. Hah, yeah, three hours after I leave. Meh,
oh well. He said he would drop by and make sure the kids are okay. Our neighbor, Erin,
is staying with Lizzy and Lawrence, but Ivan's over so often that I think Lawrence would
feel better with him in the house too, since my dad and I won't be here.

Off to pack!

Hope everyone had a nice Easter.
(Even you Gillian, with those nice relatives of yours.)

Fun with quizes...

Your Inner Eye Color Is Brown

You're smart, thoughtful, and the ideal woman for most men

You are kind and easy to trust. Men open up to you like no one else.

It's this inner warmness that attracts guys - and makes you an instant soulmate.

What's Your Inner Eye Color? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

2004-04-09T22:46:00.000-07:00

"Without a smile and without laughter, what is there really?"

I read in an email and loved it.

2004-04-09T11:59:00.002-07:00

Spring Break is....HEEEERRRREEEEE.

About freaking time. :o) :o)

Despite the homework, this should be nice.

Spring Break- n. the chance to do homework without school getting in the way.
-Amy's blog

I fear it may be the truth.

(Oh, and Gillian, yes, I will post pictures soon.)

2004-04-09T11:59:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday, Christy!!!

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

(Christy, notice the time.....lol...only three seconds off!! Haha. Anyway, have a nice rest of
the day and I hope you enjoy the jamba, flowers, and ballon....all of which were color
coordinated with your room! buahahaha =)

How is it that you are older than I am? I do not comprehend. Hehe. Have fun being legal,
but just remember that Chris wont be until May......dum dum dum.....)

2004-04-09T11:59:00.000-07:00

Pure Heart.

Five Minutes, Forty One Seconds
5:41

Yeah, I know, that's 8 seconds off. What the heck? I think I'm still in shock, and Gillian no
longer considers me human.

Dude, I beat Tali and was one second behind Ashley who I sprinted/raced the last 300 meters
with. ohmigosh......I beat Tali....but she is still my hero because she is a freshman and a
supercrazygood runner.

I blame it on Ivan who has been having a bad influence on me. (haha, jk) I hadn't gone to
practice Mon-Wed due to excessive amounts of homework and going in for help with
Mrs. Hilburn 6th period and after school. I didn't even know if coach was going to let me
run yesterday, but I told him that I had been running with Ivan at night, so he said to go for
it if I felt good. Thank goodness it was overcast because I hate running when it's really hot.
I felt really calm for some reason, so the race was pretty chill.....until I realized that I was
able to keep up with Ash and Tali at which point I decided to give it everything I had.
My
dad and brother decided to surprise me and go to the meet (at Pacifica). They got there just
in time to see the mile race, and then left soon after congratulating me. Man, I'm really glad
they got to see it. I think my dad was amazed and proud. <3 <3

I told Ivan not to go, since he had dark circles under his eyes suggesting lack of sleep to which
the only known cure is some quality time with a pillow, but he said he didn't know, and I told
him to only go if he wanted. In any case, the silly boy decided not to remove the tired look
from his face, but to go and cheer me on after the mile. Hah, way to not take my advice, but
it's okay because it made me quite happy that he went. I <3 that boy.

Christy, don't worry, you were there in spirit, lol. Thanks for the effort. It's the thought that
counts sometimes. The salad during 4th period was deliciously fresh and yummy! Maybe
I owe some of my success to that! Hehe....thank you chica!

I love the beach on overcast days. I guess the coldness puts me in a cuddling mood. I love
the beach for other reasons too..

2004-04-07T19:22:00.000-07:00

My dad sent me this article and it seemed quite appropriate for the honors kids lately.
Apparently college isn't going to be any easier, but on the bright side, one more school day
until spring break.

New Lesson for College Students: Lighten Up
By SARA RIMER

Published: April 6, 2004

RUNSWICK, Me. — It was intended as a statement against the kind of
perfectionism that drives some Bowdoin College students to spend two hours a day on the
treadmill: plastered all over campus recently were photographs of naked undergraduate Bowdoin
women — or at least their bodies, as the pictures had been shot from the neck down — in
all their short, tall, thin, not-so-thin, fit and unfit, anonymous, unairbrushed glory.

Far from being shocked, Craig W. Bradley, dean of student affairs, said he supported the women's
group that came up with the poster campaign — anything to get students to stop worrying
so much about body image, grades, careers.

Mr. Bradley, along with other college officials, has been telling students to get off the treadmill.
Go for a walk, go surfing. Read a novel just for pleasure. Eat ice cream. Hang out with the
knitting club. Find your passion.

Bowdoin's efforts reflect the ever-increasing attention colleges across the country are giving
to undergraduates' personal growth and emotional well-being.

It has been more than a decade since colleges became mindful of the new generation of students
arriving on campus with serious mental health illnesses. But these days, as they respond
to the rising number of students seeking help for stress-related conditions on campus and
the expectations of consumer-minded parents, many colleges are extending the therapeutic
culture far beyond treatment for clinical depression and bipolar disorders.

Private and public colleges alike have begun offering a wide range of services and activities
intended to help students negotiate what used to be considered the ordinary rites of passage:
homesickness, sophomore existential angst, romantic relationships. There are now free massages
and dogs to cuddle in exam seasons, biofeedback workshops and therapists available to
help students work through their first C.

At Harvard, the training given to graduate students who live in the undergraduate houses
has in recent years expanded to include ways to help students fight perfectionism — a theme
on many campuses — as well as negotiate matters involving race, class and sexual identity.

At Amherst College in Massachusetts, students can have unlimited sessions with the counseling
center's therapists. They are free to discuss more mundane concerns like their futures and
their relationships — with family members, roommates, boyfriends and girlfriends — as well
as more serious issues like depression and eating disorders.

Washington University in St. Louis has established stress-free zones during finals, where
students can get chair massages and listen to New Age music. Addressing the notoriously
poor sleeping habits of undergraduates, the university recently celebrated Sleep Awareness
Week by handing out sleep quizzes and reminding residential advisers not to brag about how
little sleep they can get by on.

Kevin Kruger, the associate executive director for the National Association of Student Personnel
Administrators, with nearly 1,500 members, said the new services were the natural extension
of the awareness raised by students with serious mental health problems.

"This movement is an indication of colleges trying to be more proactive," Mr. Kruger said, rather
than waiting for students to "flunk out, have a breakdown or whatever the outcome is going
to be."

But many college officials also acknowledge that they are responding to the heightened consumer
mentality of many parents. "If you're paying a lot, you expect a lot in return," said Craig McEwen,
dean of academic affairs at Bowdoin, one of the nation's top liberal arts colleges. "Unhappiness
is not something you're supposed to feel."

Some college officials say that these services are not only driving up higher education costs
but some may also be an extension of a therapeutic culture that has gone too far.

While it is important that colleges talk about "the whole student," said Steven E. Hyman, the
provost at Harvard, and the former director of the National Institute of Mental Health, "that
doesn't mean they should all be in group therapy."

Dr. Hyman said he also doubted the value of the biofeedback and massage, suggesting that
it might be more helpful if students learned to organize their lives.

2004-04-07T15:13:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't get this excited about English.

After working for several weeks on one of my English essays, I finally got an A; however, I
felt as though my joyous outburst in class was a bit ridiculous considering it was a mere English
assignment. I suppose that is what sleep deprivation and stress will do to a person. Actually,
I don't much care.....because I don't have to rewrite that crap over again!!! Swwweeeeet!

Today's lunch in english was quite amusing.

We decided that Christy gets so frustrated with Mrs. Hilburn because she is taking out all
of her negative feelings for her mother out on our poor teacher. (*laughs*)

Amy (or her mother?) makes the best coffee cake. Period.

I <3 Joshie and his ability to restrain from laughing at me when I almost cry in 1st period and
am on the verge of insanity.

Sleep is desperately needed. Very desperately.

Grammar I can do, but spelling on the other hand....is not so fun.

You are a GRAMMAR GOD!

If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!

How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-04-07T02:55:00.000-07:00

"And I don't think it's necessary for me to post anything about English,
and the rest of the classes. You all know, you're in them. I just need to maintain
decent grades. Then I'm out of here."
-Malou's Blog

My soul is due tomorrow?! I thought it was due Thursday!
-Malou

Nah, it's due tomorrow....err...today. And if by chance we have anything left...
then *that* is due on Thursday.

My thoughts exactly, but written by Joshie:

Heart of FUCK YOU CONRAD

Conrade? Sounds like comrade to me. Burn this commie book.

i'm in the middle of this stupid Watt essay, and just wanted to take time out to say a special
thanks to the following people:

Joseph Conrad, for somehow managing to pack SO MUCH into 77 pages that SO MANY people
feel the need to write about it/read FAR MORE INTO IT than there actually is

Ian Watt, for blabbing on and on for nearly 30 pages when you can just say this stuff in 5
pages. I promise, I'd take your word for it.

Mrs. Hilburn, for being FUCKING CRAZY and assigning this crap to us. All in one week. All due
in two days, as though we ONLY HAVE her class.

Ack, crazy people.

I'm so not looking forward to the plague essay. :-/

"For the moment he wished to behave like all those others around him who believed, or made
believe, that plague can come and go without changing anything in men's hearts."
-Camus' "The Plague"

"They knew now that if there is one thing one can always yearn for and sometimes attain,
it is human love."
-The Plague

"No man can live on the stretch all the time, with his energy and will-power strained
to the breaking point, and it is a joy to be able to relax at last and loosen nerves and
muscles that were braced for the struggle."
-The Plague

Ah, can't wait for spring break.
Not that I'm comparing school's brutality to the plague, because obviously the horror of school
at the moment far outweighs that of plague...

2004-04-05T22:33:00.000-07:00

Just What I Needed

(I mean that both sarcastically and nonsarcastically.)

Thank you Mrs. Hilburn, for going ABSOLUTELY FREAKING NUTS!!! Apparently she thinks that
we have 32 hour days, as Gillian said, and are taking English 4 AP, and English 4 AP ALONE.
What other classes? What sports? What free time?

The Eisley article was really interesting to read though, despite doing it in 2nd and 3rd period
and missing out on ever stimulating calculus.

Due Wednesday: Our souls

Physics problems, chapters 30 & 31
Bio chapters
Plague Questions
Hart of Darkness Questions
Calc crap
A million and two rewrites (english)
Marginalia for two articles (maybe due Thursday?)

In any case....I'm a little screwed. (As are most people in that class, not to mention in the
Mr. Hilburn block.)

Psh, refuckingdiculous.

Haha.....gotcha.......because, oddly enough, I'm not in a bad mood whatsoever, despite everything
that is due. Meh, so I'll stay up late tonight, not too big of a deal. Maybe tomorrow as well,
meh, nothing new.
Running was exactly what I needed tonight. I was concerned 5th period looking at all the
work I had, so I just came home during 6th, skipping practice. Homework, short nap, homework,
dinner, homework, verge of cabin fever/ insanity.....about to snap.....then, call from friend,
running......good feelings back....., blog.....and now on to more homework, refreshed and not
fazed.

Today I also felt hugely relieved. Looks like I did make the right decision. Go me for listening
to my instincts. With a calm mind, all things work out.

Oh, and Christy, good to know that you are feeling better. Your mom needs to chill. (Hope you
liked the song... =) =)
*sings*

Sometimes in our lives
we all have pain
we all have sooooorrrrooow
but, if we are wise
we know that there's always tomorrrrroooow

Lean on me!
when you're not strong
I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
for, it won't be long
'till I'm gonna need
somebody to lean on.

If
there is a load
you have to bare
that you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
if you just calll meeee.

2004-04-04T22:55:00.000-07:00

Who stole my hour???

I WANT IT BACK!

NOOOOOOOW!

*pout*

This weekend went by incredibly fast.

Oh, and it's the 4th, and a full moon.......interesting.

I <3 california rolls. (They had better have them on the East Coast!!)

2004-04-04T15:03:00.000-07:00

Whatever worries you, conquers you.

Do I have a right to be freaked out? Or am I overreacting?
Is Ivan correct, and is my apprehension just reluctance to know if I still have feelings?
I don't think he's right, but he had an interesting argument last night.

I might have to find out, but that might be a mistake.
If I avoid it, however, I'll never know. But if I do it, then I may regret it.

I really think he's wrong though, and that I can go about things calmly.

In any case.....fuck it.....I just want something normal for a change.
Too much to ask I suppose.
But I think I can be cool about things and just let them go, despite the fuckedupedness of the
situation.

On a separate note: I <3 my father.
He's so understanding and nonjudgemental or critical.

Papi: "Cris, if he has you this worried, just remember that I have my shot-gun in the
garage and I won't hesitate."

2004-04-04T14:07:00.000-07:00

Emil is so loving.

ekaslime [2:41 PM]: so what are you up to
Cwc986 [2:42 PM]: about to go to starbuckst to comit suicide
Cwc986 [2:42 PM]: wait, I mean to work on english
Cwc986 [2:42 PM]: and physics
ekaslime [2:42 PM]: oh do have fun
ekaslime [2:42 PM]: coffee is bad
ekaslime [2:42 PM]: itll make your colon fall out in your 40s
Cwc986 [2:42 PM]: that's why I get soy stuff
Cwc986 [2:42 PM]: haha
Cwc986 [2:42 PM]: or tea
ekaslime [2:42 PM]: one day youll be walkin down the street....and splat, there it goes
Cwc986 [2:43 PM]: good thing I'm young
ekaslime [2:43 PM]: soy is made by thrid world children who died at the age of 12 b/c of you
ekaslime [2:43 PM]: tea gives you kidney stones
ekaslime [2:43 PM]: :-)
Cwc986 [2:43 PM]: psh
Cwc986 [2:43 PM]: way to make my day
Cwc986 [2:43 PM]: :-p
ekaslime [2:43 PM]: you are a horrible person
ekaslime [2:43 PM]: :-D

You Are a Soy Latte

Yeah, you've got a bit of that healthy hippie thing going on

But you're more Kate Hudson urban bohemian than Phish groupie

You're worldly and well traveled... and you know where to get the best coffee in town.

All your experience makes you a compassionate person - and a caring girlfriend.

What Kind Of Coffee Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

2004-04-03T20:45:00.000-08:00

Haagen-Dazs gives you ennnneerrrgyyyy!

What kind of a bipolar week was that??

Sheesh!

I'm dizzy from all the ups and downs. Meh, I guess you need both, but daaaay-am, stuff
has been pretty crazy. Maybe Ivan's right and I freak out easily.......but maybe it was just
an insane week. Let me highlight, perhaps, since I have quite a bit on my mind.

Wednesday made me happy. I can be such a good kid. School, practice, shower, help
Andrew, starbucks, home, sleep for 9 hours. Yes, you read that correctly. Cristina did
indeed sleep for NINE FULL HOURS on a *gasp* WEEKDAY night. Don't worry,
I can assure you that it will never happen again. However, it felt rather nice. I woke up
clear headed and......rested? Go figure.
Then school started Thursday.....then hell began, opps, I mean English. Class was
fine, whatever. But then.....lunch time......the worst. So, I decide to show Mrs. Hilburn
the three rewrites I had so carefully done for night before, which she then so
considerately refused to read since they were typed and would count as a rewrite.
Psh, since when do students get punished for doing extra work like typing, making
their work look nice, and doing stuff a week before it is due??? WTF?? Then I
rewrote the sentences by hand on paper...cus that makes such a big
difference...ofcource......only to find that they were all horribly wrong.....and that I didn't
know where the f*ck she wanted me to go with anything..... Now, one wouldn't suppose
that this minor ordeal would not affect a person very dramatically. However, for some strange
reason, God gave Mrs. Hilburn the power to make students feel absolutely worthless to
the point of tears and death-thoughts.
Being the tough kid that I am (hah), I refused to cry (in class anyway), so I quickly took
leave to the girl's restroom. I blew my nose, washed my hands, and walked out thinking
that I was determined and okay. I saw Ashley in Spanish and stopped in slowly to say
hello. We talked for awhile, then she asked where I had been.....and it completely went
down hill from there. Fortunately, Ashley could relate rather well and, though laughing lightly
while I was crying, listened to my rant and cry for a bit, and then made me realize how silly
the whole thing was. Why the heck was I crying over a stupid class??!?! Why had I let
Mrs. Hilburn get to me like that? HOW THE HECK HAD SHE BROKEN ME??
BLah, so stupid.....so lame.

I rationalized that everyone wants validation, I suppose, and not succeeding at things does
not help ones self esteem? Maybe the stress was just getting to me.
School stuff....friends stuff....Scary bead dream stuff. Aye, just a little too much for my happy
9 hours of sleep to suavely brush off like simple woodchips from the park. Talking with Ashley
made it better, though, didn't solve everything. In 5th I was talking to Isaac and Christy
about it, though not the best idea, because then I started to cry in front of Mr. Hilburn
.....fuck, that was the worst.....but man, I seriously could NOT help it. That's how bad I felt.
Blah.....but it's all good I guess, because the MR. talked to the MRS. and the next morning
I randomly saw her before 2nd period, and she.....*gasp*....apologized and wanted to make
sure I was okay. I was in a good mood by Friday morning anyway, but it was nice to know
that she actually cares.
By Thursday afternoon I was feeling better and the home meet (against CI) went well.
Christy and Scottie went! Weee.......it was nice. We talked on the field while I streched,
though she wasn't really supposed to be there. She did my splits while I ran the mile, which
uberly helped. ("Doing splits"= shouting my lap times as I pass by so I know if I'm on track.)
Oh! Ivan ended up going too! I didn't think he was going to show. Man, crazy junior year
memories. Anyway, he helped cheer the team and me on. I think the support from Ivan
and Christy really helped, considering....
I broke 5:50!!!!

Yes....I got 5:49!!!! Ooooooh man, I did it!

<3<3<3 to everyone who wished me luck. (Including Gillian who had intened to go, but.....
forgot? Hehe.....It's the thought that counts.)

However, I must say that the person who added the most happiness that night was
big brother Joshie. Ah, bringer of of sobe, encouragement, and.....Haagen-Daz icecream!
Buahaha.....he came after the mile and stayed for my three other events (the 800, the 2 mile,
and the 4x4 relay). I could not let the icecream die, so I ate it after the 800 despite glares
and gasps form my coaches. I was worried about cramping during the two mile, but not
enough to say no to icecream. In anycase, I PRed. Hah! Go figure :o) So we decided that
I get icecream now before events, lol, jk.
Man, Josh is so sweet. People need to stop giving him crap.
A little patience and tolerance never hurt anyone.

The best race was the guys two mile. Phil and Jesse were duking it out and ran together
the entire 8 laps. They full out sprinted the last two and by the last 100 it was a mental
battle. No one could tell who was going to win, but during the last three feet, Jesse pulled
slightly ahead.....and then fell over from exhaustion. He was my hero for the night because
he gave that race everything he had. He truely is a hardcore runner.
I
dropped Elia and Jesse off after the meet and we grabbed Jamba. Oh yes, we kicked but
and deserved it. Elia was worrying me though because she didn't seem like her happy chipper
self. I think the future may be bugging her, but I know things will work out and she will be fine.

That took a bit longer than calculated and I missed the end of the volleyball game I told
Gillian I would see with her and Christy. :-/ They won didnt' they?

Anyway, the meet and people put me in a better mood.
Friday was upbeat. Yes, I stayed in during lunch again, this time with more of a sense of
humor and a less serious attitude. I rewrote somethings and finally got
THREE SENTENCES APROVED!!! Victory!
Ok, so I know that sounds pitiful, but unless you are in that class, you have no idea what
a rewarding feelingit is to work so carefully on something, and actually be told that it is ok.
I sat between Gillian and Christy (sharing chairs with both), and I think Gillian helped lighten
the mood, though I could tell that Christy was getting frusturated with Hilburn. I guess
Gillian is just used to it...she's been broken before. Once you've broken though, there's
no where to go but back up.
Hilburn surprisingly got to Ashley on Friday, but it was funny because I repeated some of the
things she had told me the day before. Hahaha. I'm just glad we didn't crack on the
same day. That gets ugly.

5th period was better too. Previously, Mr. Hilburn had really begun to annoy me because
he was getting impatient and rude, but Friday was fine and it seemed as though we had
both gotten our patience back. Maybe he understands more now. I can never decided
if he is really cool or a major pain in the ass. Oh well.

I saw Aaron on the way to 6th period, and he said he wanted to ditch and go run with me.
LoL. What a crazy guy. He did the mile warm up with us, but as we stretched coach Creech
said he couldn't run with us because he didn't have his physical....blah..blah..blah. Oh well, we tried.
His backpack was still in my car after practice though, so I stopped by Ivan's house to give
it back to Aaron on my way to Ashley's house.

I went to Ashley's house to congratulate her for...
BEING ACCEPTED TO MOUNT HOLYOKE!!!!

God, she was so happy. The voice mail she left was classic.
Holyoke is in Massachusetts and less than half an hour away from Hartford.
=D =D =D
Yes, we were happy kids on Friday.

Then I stopped by Josh's. His scholarship paper thing from Northwestern looked really hot.
Good for him. I think he'll love it there. Oh, and Peanut Butter moods from Jamba are actually
very tasty. (The only jamba I had never tried.)

Ok kiddies, more later because now it's time to go for a run.

2004-04-01T16:52:00.000-08:00

Meh, I told myself I would only invade people's blogs for fairy purposes, buuuut this must be said.

I <3 you, Cristina!

I believe I shall name you the "happiness fairy." Thank you for you kind and encouraging words, they mean a lot. I heart you bunches dear!

: D

Love,
Dee

2004-03-31T20:10:00.000-08:00

And he said, "Baby, it's all in your head."

Physics test today= instant death.
It put me in a horrible mood and English didn't help.
Lunch was mellow thanks to Christy's Ipod, Modest Mouse, a pen, and paper.
Other stuff was bugging me too, which, will be okay, if I stop thinking so much about it.

Poor Chris. Man, that really sucks. And yes, I can say I know what it feels like to be rejected
from your first choice college. He's taking it pretty rough, given though, that it is the first day
after the news. Embarrassingly enough, it took me three hours to stop crying, three days
to be modestly okay, and three months to finally accept it and realize that everything works
out for the best so screw getting worked up. He did really well on the physics test today,
so that was nice atleast. Hopefully he'll be back to his old self pretty soon and realize that
Davis or where ever else he decides to go will be fine. Rejection is hard to take, but sometimes,
it's for the best.

Minus these last ten minutes, I've been ridiculously productive today. I went to Starbucks
after practice and a shower around 4:30 and got back just now. I rewrote everything I needed
to, studied my vocab, corrected the AP test due Friday, worked on the essay due Friday, studied
for physics, and read a chapter of calculus. In addition to that, I was nice to my sister, helped
my brother with homework, and helped Andrew out, too.
Accomplishment feels nice. I think I'll try that from now on as soon as I feel a bad mood approaching.

Track meet tomorrow....eeks.
I want to go to sleep at 9 and wake up at 6. Dude, I don't think I've ever done that on a
school night. Haha, I wonder if it would help my running? We'll see.
Ok, to do in next hour: type up re-writes, write out formulas for physics, finish calc homework.

Yes, I can do this.
*determined face*

2004-03-30T23:40:00.000-08:00

Make someone happy, just one person happy...
and you will be happy too!

Christy and I had a fun little adventure this morning. The look on Ivan's face as he was driving
by and we were in my car going away from school at quarter to 8 was classic. But anything
is worth a piece of Spanish tortilla. (hehe, right, Christy??)

Andrew is rocking. That guy has so much will power and discipline. I'm impressed and really
happy that he likes running now. He says that I help to motivate him, which is awesome.
Look out Mt. Whitney! We're going to tear you up this summer. =D

(Gillian, stop being a ho :-P )

Man, Aaron said something online that totally made my night.
That boy deserves more credit because he is a great person.
<3

Count downs-

Physics test (death)- 10 hours
Track meet- 1.5 days
Christy's B-day: 9 days
Connecticut: 12 days

Oh, and congrats to Christy and Malou for getting into Berkeley.
Wee....so the three of us could have gone there together?? Hehe...

2004-03-29T21:35:00.000-08:00

Six Flags. 03/14/04 The best picture of the five of us.
No, I don't remember which way is up.
Yes, Gillian, I will post the rest of them on webshots....sometime.

Malou, me, Christy, Gillian, and Isaac on jet stream.
I <3 my camera and it's neat flip lense thing.

Look! Mi hermano went to my meet two Saturday's ago! People thought we were going out,
but psh, effe them.

LUMPIA! No, jeeest kidding, it's me, Gillian, and Christy.
It was an interesting experience to be one of only five white people at the
Lumpia movie. Very...interesting.....but not too odd.

Ok, I decided my blog needed more color...hence the pictures.....that and my lack of motivation
at the moment to want to upload all the new pix 'I've taken recently to webshots
.....yes, six flags up through this weekend. Oh well, I'll get to them soon enough, right? :o)

2004-03-29T21:23:00.000-08:00

Si soy una diablita, la culpa es tuya.

Nah, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, but I have been busy.

The weekend was great, but short. I would recap, but I'm not in the mood.
Maybe later.

I have a feeling this week is going to be good. Last week bore a striking
resemblance to hell, so anything compared to that should be a breeze.
Malou understands.
Speaking of her....man, she's great. During 2nd period she said she was craving chocolate
really badly and asked if I had any. "Nope, just in my car," I said. After a short pause
and realizing that my car was, after all, in the back parking lot, I told Malou I could get
her some chocolate during nutrition. :o) Buahaha.....ah, me and my adventures. So, basically,
during nutrition I strutted into and out of the girls locker room past the unsuspecting PE
teacher, out to the parking lot, into my car, back through Mr. Parizo's office, back across
the quad, and back up to Mr. Hilburn's room, all in under 5 minutes.
Gawd, I love this school. I wish I had had highschool this figured out when I was a
freshman.

Hmm....what else?
Oh yes, track meet this Thursday. It's a home meet so I expect everyone in Oxnard to go!!
Understand?? :-P hehe. Yes, we had a meet last Thursday, which I don't think I'll write
about for certain reasons. But in any case, I'm feeling good this week so my current goal
is to break that darn five minutes and fifty seconds. I'll settle for a 5:49...I can be content
with that. Hopefully I can do it. *nervous* Wish me luck?

This afternoon= tortilla factory in my kitchen. (haha) Christy and Scottie came over to
make tortillas for open house tomorrow......wheeee.....patatas, ajo, huevos, musica, familia,
cocinando, y amigos......que divertido! (Thanks again for the jamba Christy! I <3 you.)

Oh man, one more thing, then to homework I go.
Jesse is my hero. This kid is the greatest for many reasons, but today especially so since
he made me uberly happy. He had gone to six flags on Saturday and though I told him
not to get me anything, he still did (psh). I open the bag and find a little wonderwoman
figurine, "to put in [my] car", he said, "because that's who you are". Aww....it was really
sweet of him. I think he admires my hard work etc, but man, he's been really to get to
know during the last few years of track n XC.

Buenas noches. Here's to a good week! (?)

English today was hilarious, as usual.
(Trying to act out the passage.)
Mrs. Hilburn- "Ok, so this is the devil..."
*pointing to me*
Mrs. Hilburn- "And she represents sin..."
Class- *cracking up*
Ivan- *falls off chair and is on floor laughing*

Well, psh, I didn't find it *quite* that amussing. I thought Ivan's reaction was more humurous than Mrs. Hilburn's comment.
:-P

2004-03-24T17:06:00.000-08:00

A Loveless World is a Dead World

I like The Plauge, by Camus, but chapter four was harsh. It reminded me of Slaughter
House V, and Requiem for a Dream, somehow. Tarrou is a friggin cool character, and I
admire his desire to not ignore things simply because they are unpleasant. Ignoring
issues doesn't solve them. Averting your eyes does not make something magically
disappear. You are responsible for every single action you take, and inadvertently, the
consequences of your actions. The representatives in government you vote for, the
things you support either with money or by energy, and each thing you do or say, reflect
your values and your beliefs. Carelessness and inattentiveness may bring about things
that you did not necessarily want. By buying a pair of Nike's manufactured in a third
world country by laborers paid mere cents an hour, you are supporting sweatshops and
child labor. By driving SUV's, gas inefficient, and unnecessarily large cars
(*coughhummerscough* *thestupidestcarever!!*) you are giving money to the
countries from which that gas is purchased......mainly in the Middle East.....mainly to
countries whom have used that money to purchase weapons and military junk. By
eating fast food you are supporting an establishment which promotes obesity, and does
not care about its workers, as evident by low-wages, minimal training and intelligence
which the job itself requires. By consuming one hamburger, you are supporting the
cruel manner in which cows are subject to before being slaughtered and the inhumane
way in which they are murdered (often times as they are fully conscious), as well as the
meat industry, which over the years has monopolized the land and run to bankruptcy
privately owned ranches throughout the Midwest.
Everything is about money now and I'm sick to death of it.
People are apathetic, and just don't care.
That is what Tarrou was talking about when he says that he had plague much before
going to Oran.

Sorry, this did not mean to turn into a rant, but the world upsets me sometimes. The
important thing is to find some balance in which you can have a clean conscious:
Acknowledge your responsibility for certain things, and do what you can for the things
that you believe in. Don't be ignorant to the things around you. Ignorance is not an
excuse. We live in a society in which it seems "ok" not to care. But without
consideration for the things you have the power to affect, pardon me, but this world is
fucked.

I'm not saying I am innocent of hypocrisy, as no one is, but I do what I can and refuse to
deafen my ears to the cry of reality. As brutal and heart-wrenching as it may be.

2004-03-22T22:09:00.000-08:00

Miriam: Yeah, I cut my links some. Meh, people stopped updating, and I just wanted a shorter
list. You made the cut, though you made your LJ friends only! :-/ *pout* (lol)

Christa: Man, that cruise was amazing! 24 hour pizza anyone?? =D Do you still have the
bracelet? So pretty! Anyway, I hope Davis is treating you well, and it will be nice to see you
when Gillian, Malou, Christy, Isaac, and I come up to visit over spring break. Can't wait. Miss
you too and take care always! <3<3

Marcus: Ask Malou why you can't read this anymore! lol. Yeah, it's a joke. You guys can
make fun of me all you want. What ever makes you happy. Glad to entertain you. (?) "Today
was simply amazing...." (Are you laughing yet??)

Cause there's nothing like your smile made of sun.

My room is clean. Miraculously.
I didn't notice how ridiculous it was getting until a friend came over and was like....
"Dude, Cris, I can't see your floor...." Yeah, it was pretty bad. But.....hey....I've been busy.

Calculus needs to be shot. Desperately.

I got into Boston U. Wheee. It's annoying knowing that I won't be able to go to these schools.
UCLA would have been cool, and Boston too. I have yet to hear from Georgetown, Brown,
Amherst, and JHU. Though being admitted is nice, it makes me question if I've made the right
decisions choosing Trinity. Though the thought of experiencing the East coast excites me
incredibly, it also.......scares me to pieces! No beach? (Real beaches anyway) No Jamba?
No friends or family in the state? And what if I detest the weather......as in....can't stand
it.....at all.....and become terribly depressed by the lack of warmth and sunshine. What then?
And what if I don't like East coast people? What if they are a bunch of stuck up superficial
jerks whose biggest decision is which of their Hampshire summer homes to vacation in?
I guess
I shall find out in April. *fingers crossed*

OK, but on the realistic side. It will probably be nice.
I'll deal
with the differences. Friends will be no more than a phone call away. (And some only a train
ride away =) Though snow is not sand, it is still beautiful.
I think a small liberal arts college will be perfect for me. I want personal attention and having
classes with 12 people in them at the most. Trinity seems to have a strong sense of community,
which I find really attractive and comforting. I'm bound to find people I can connect with.
And their campus in Barcelona.....hotness....I can't wait until my junior year......Spain...mi pais
....how I miss thee.

Oh well, that's enough worrying for one night. Everything will work out, no doubt, no need
to fret.

Christy: you rock. I <3 you.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Meech: EEeeee! Yay! I'm really happy for you.
But know.....that he doesn't deserve you.....at all.
And thank you for your ear, and your advice.
Thank you for the text on Friday, it made things easier some how.

Mrs. Hilburn: Why are you trying to kill us?

Andrew: Impressive. I'm sooo freaking astounded by your will power. We'll make a hard
core runner out of you yet. ;-)

Rickey: Stop working insane hours and get some sleep. Now. If you come to practice looking
like you are asleep tomorrow, I am simply going to drive you home. Yes, in the new eclipse.
Because you neeeed to sleep....(and that car is....hot.)
Stop turning into me. You don't need to kill yourself.

I love the fact that little things are capable of making me happy.
People are pretty cool.
When least expected....that's when it happens.
(How annoyingly ambiguous....buahaha.)

*song of the moment*

"Ciega Sordamuda"
Se me acaba el argumento
y la metodologia
cada vez que se aparece frente
a mi tu anatomia
Porque este amor ya no entiende
de consejos, ni razones
se alimenta de pretextos
y le faltan pantalones
este amor no me permite estar en pie
porque ya hasta me ha quebrado los talones
aunque me levante volvere a caer
si te acercas nada es util
para esta inutil
Bruta, ciega, sordomuda
torpe, traste, testaruda,
es todo lo que he sido
por ti me he convertido
en una cosa que no hace
otra cosa mas que amarte
pienso en ti dia y noche
y no se como olvidarte
Cuantas veces he intentado
enterrarte en mi memoria
y aunque diga ya no mas
es otra vez la misma historia
porque este amor siempre sabe
hacerme respirar profundo
ya me trae por la izquierda
y de pelea con el mundo
Si pudiera exorcizarme de tu voz
si pudiera escaparme de tu nombre
si pudiera arrancarme el corazon
y esconderme para no sentirme
nuevamente
Bruta, ciega, sordomuda
torpe, traste, testaruda,
es todo lo que he sido
por ti me he convertido
en una cosa que no hace
otra cosa mas que amarte
pienso en ti dia y noche
y no se como olvidarte
ojerosa, flaca, fea desgrenada
torpe tonta lenta necia desquiciada
completamente descontrolada
tu te das cuenta y no me dices nada
ves que se me ha vuelto
la cabeza un nido
donde solamente tu tiene asilo
y no me escuchas lo que te digo
mira bien lo que vas a hacer conmigo
Bruta, ciega, sordomuda
torpe, traste, testaruda,
es todo lo que he sido
por ti me he convertido
en una cosa que no hace
otra cosa mas que amarte
pienso en ti dia y noche
y no se como olvidarte

2004-03-21T11:18:00.000-08:00

Marcus, Don't Read This.

First of all: MALOU, CONGRATULATIONS ON UCSD!!
Dang, that makes me really happy. Everything will work out.

I hope everyone who went had fun at Sadies. Fortunately, I'm REALLY happy I decided to
go to the meet, instead, that night. Our girls relay team took first in the distance medley
...heck yeah! (The relay consisted of four girls running a 1200, a 400, an 800, and a 1600.)
I ran the 400 (One lap) in 1:05. Don't ask me how, for I haven't a freaggin clue how I pulled
that one. The other girls on my team were really fast too: Tali, Ash, and Danielle. Weee...
it felt nice to get first just to let people know how cool Oxnard kids are. I can't stand stuck
up people. They really annoy me.
Anyway, our next event was the 4x1600 relay (four girls each doing a mile). Our team got third
to two Burbank teams, by less than ten seconds though. We were really close. Andrew came
to pick me up from the meet (to go to a movie), and I'm really glad he was there to cheer
the team and me on. The race rocked, and I was super pumped. And as proof I have my time.......
yes, that is correct....
FIVE MINUTES, FIFTY SECONDS. FLAT.
Damn, it felt good.

Thank you Christy, for the cute little motivational bracelet and the food. And thank you Gillian,
for the good luck wish in 4th period. I think it helped. I <3 you guys :o)

We had an invitational meet yesterday morning too, to which Isaac came with me! I was
kinda surprised that he wanted to go.....but, he had fun, and we got to hang out.

After the meet, Andrew and I jogged La HOYA. (hehe, yes, I *do* know it is spelled JOLLA,
but "hoya" is a joke of Natalie's and mine because that is how we would pronounce it when
we spoke in spanish and did that hike with reach the top. So psh.) Anyway, I was rather
impressed by Andrew's vast improvement and I think running every morning has helped him lots.
We only had to stop a few times.....well, more than a few......but still, they were never for very
long. The weather was quite nice, despite not being able to see the ocean as we came over
the last slope up (my favorite part of the hike). It's nice to run when it's cool out. After that
we headed over to Moorpark to pick up his car. We grabbed jamba on the way home, and
"raced" down the 101 back to Oxnard. Haha....that was fun. (I realize that my habitual speeding
is due to my runner instincts.)

I know where "Far From the Madding Crowd" is now.
It was
fun finding all the connections from the book to my crazy life with Malou and Christy. But maybe
Ashley's right, and I cursed it myself by giving him that nickname. Oh well, whatever, his actions,
not mine.

I went to the beach this morning, after church, just to think and read for a bit.
Cold, but very nice.
I saw a guy walking alone by the surf. He looked worried when he got there, but calm as
he walked off.
I loved it.

And now....to homework....

*song of the moment*

"Blinded (When I See You)"
Just an old friend coming over now to visit you
and That's what I've become
I let myself in though I know I'm not supposed to
but I never know when I'm done

And I see you fogging up the mirror
Vapor round your body glistens in the shower
And I want to stay right here and go down on you for an hour
Or stay, and let the day just fade away
In wild dedication, take the moment of hope
And let it run, and never look back at all the damage we have done now
To each other

Cause when I see you, it's like I'm starring down the sun
And I'm blinded
There's nothing left to do
Still I see you

I never believed that things they happen for a reason and
They never go as planned
I wanted to thank you for a vision that was lost that you returned but
You're passed, do you understand

Now her appetite is blown, little else is known
Except she a little angry, grabs a towel and looks away
And heat fades with the day
And I fall down on what to say,
Oh something clean let me be clever
Hey oh well whatever
But that's not what I mean
When where we've been has left us burned
Still I won't turn now from a fight you know I'll never win

So when I see you, you know all the things I've done
Well I'm blinded
Like I'm staring down the sun
When I see you
It's like I'm staring down the sun

Time passes and it tells us what we're left with
We become the things we do
Me I'm a fool, spent from defiance, yeah you got me but
I didn't give up on you

Icarus is not a tee shirt or a swan song, no
He is born again and it's not easy being me
But I can't promise I will mend or bend
When you believe that we are fixed now from our birth
And I've just fallen back to earth
Still you know I'll try again
Cause I believe that we are lucky
We are golden we're stolen manners
In the days when we were one

[Chorus]
So when I see you, despite all that we've become
I'm still blinded
But I'm still staring down the sun
When I see you
I'm blinded

2004-03-19T00:47:00.000-08:00

Brand New is writing your life story! clever and
insightful, but missing something...like love.
don't worry, you'll get over him or her
eventually.

Which Band Is Writing Your Life's Story?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sheesh, memories of summer come crashing back like merciless waves upon the shore. Their
lyrics are so easy to relate to, and raw emotions manage to seep form each line. I envy their ease
of expression, but am grateful to have something to sing to at the top of my lungs while speeding
down the roads as a means of venting. Rather theraputic, I'd say.

The concert in October with Meech n Monique was sofaking awesome.

Play Crack The Sky
"We sent out the SOS call. It was a quarter past four in the morning when the storm
broke our second anchor line. Four months at sea, four months of calm seas only to be pounded
in the shallows off the tip of Montauk Point. They call then rogues, they travel fast and alone.
One hundred foot faces of God's good ocean gone wrong. What they call love is a risk, cause
you will always get hit out of nowhere by some wave and end up on your own. The hole in the
hull defied tthe crews attempts to bail us out. And flooded the engines and radio and half
buried bow. Your tongue is a rudder. It steers the whole ship. Sends your words past your
lips or keeps them safe behind your teeth. But the wrong words will strand you. Come off
course while you sleep. Sweep your boat out to sea or dashed to bits on the reef. The vessel
groads the ocean pressures its frame. Off the port I see the lighthouse through the sleet
and rain. And I wish for one more day to give my love and repay debts. But the morning
finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west. They say that the captain stays fast
with the ship through still and storm. But this ain't the Dakota, adnt the water is cold. We won't
have to fight for long. This is the end. This story's old but it goes on and on until we dissappear.
Calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath. I am the
one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea. I spoke the words but never
gave a thought to what they all could mean. I know that this is what you want.
A funeral keeps both of us apart. You know that you are not alone. Need you like water in my
lungs. This is the end."

2004-03-18T23:55:00.000-08:00

Tra La La La La...

Happy Birthday to Margie today. This woman is amazing and has had an incredible
impact on me. How different I would be, had I not done the Mount Whitney project
last year. Anyway, I stopped by her house after the dinner with the CMH volunteers
to say hello to her and Jeff. Such nice people. Apparently Margie heard about Trinity
from Amanda, and my mile time from a runner form Camarillo in the project this year.
She and Jeff were both so happy and excited for me. They are so wonderful.

I sat by VyVy at dinner tonight, which gave us a chance to talk. She got a full ride
to Hawaii!! How great. I told her I was going to be a bit envious during my winters
up to my neck in snow thinking of her reading on the warm beach in a bathing suit.
Sheesh, the East coast had better be fanfreakingtastic for me to give up the beach
for so long......I shall have West coast envy. For awhile, anyway.

My father's buying plane tickets tomorrow. He was debating whether to send me
alone or to accompany me, and I must admit my burst of excitement and relief when
he decided to fly out with me. I am quite the independent one, but without my father,
I lack a north star.

Man, Josh cracks me up in English. We need to stop talking though. I can tell Malou
gets rather irritated at our incessant chatter and laughter.
Gillian sits too far away in that class.

I liked the sonnets and other poems we read in class today, though I know how
much Malou and Josh detest poetry. I have a strange mixture of uber sappiness
slash harsh realism when it comes to true love. The idea of unalterable, content,
deathdefying, true love seems so idealistic and naive, yet I can't help but reserve
some hope for such impossibilities. I know my expectations of it now, though, but I
fear that over the course of the years I may have raised the standards too high,
possibly past reality's reach. I don't know if I believe in "soul mates"....two people
created for one another.....but I do believe that everything happens for a reason,
and that God is always looking out for us. Whatever happens, is meant to be. Perhaps
I shall meet someone capable of living up to all my childhood dreams of perfection,
but then again, perhaps not. And by perfection, I by no means want a
"perfect" guy, but rather someone with visible flaws, whom I can love despite of imperfection.
Then, what are my expectations, you ask? Theoretically, they are quite simple. In practice, however, they may always be just out of my grasp.
I simply want a best friend that I am attracted to. But, by best friend, I mean someone
who understands me completely and will love me unconditionally for ever, and for whom
I feel the same way about. I need that meaningful connection in a relationship.
Though passion may play a leading role, without being based on something deeper,
it means absolutely nothing.
I've decided that the three things that make relationships work are friendship, attraction,
and commitment. I don't think I've every experienced all three with the same person.
Two out of three isn't bad, but....you need all three or else it just won't work.

Ok, ok, enough of my late night ranting. Good night everyone.

(Oh, who has my copy of Far From the Madding Crowd?!?!?! Gar!!! I want it back...
nooooow! As well as my copy of Red Azaleas! *glare*)

(In other random news: I got into Davis, track meet tomorrow-weeee!, and I look forward to
running La Hoya this weekend with Andrew and kicking his butt! Haha.....but on the
serious side, I am rather impressed by his determination. Whitney this summer should
be mad fun with him. Can't wait.)

Isaac- "Hermana, we aren't flirts, we're just terribly friendly!"

I <3 mi hermano.

2004-03-17T21:42:00.000-08:00

Five Minutes, Fifty-Five Seconds.

Heck yes! Three seconds closer to my goal. Hurrah!
The track meet at Camarillo went well, despite being shoved into the 800 meter race by
coach Meyers, who apparently decided to "experiment" today. Surprisingly though, I did
really well and got second place with a time of 2:27 (for two laps). I got third place in the
mile, to Ashley with 5:47, and Tally with 5:53. Not bad, I'll take that gladly, and still so much
of the season left! The 2 mile was decent, but I was worn out from pushing it so much in
the 800, oh well. I <3 track.

More letters: I got into UCLA....wow, a little surprising, though I realize now I would probably
be miserable at a UC. And I also got into UCSB. Conte called them "the icing on the cake"
and congratulated me for Trinity. Speaking of which, one of the Deans from Trinity called
my house and spoke to my father for an hour or so. Apparently he had hand selected me
for the scholarship and really wanted me to come visit the campus over spring break- April
12th or 13th. He even offered to pay for my ticket! lol, crazy. My dad said he had done more
than enough, however. The whole thing still feels like a dream. The more I learn about
Trinity, the more perfect it seems for me.

And now, to sleep! I had no idea I could run so well on a mere two-hour night sleep, aye.

2004-03-16T22:24:00.000-08:00

Hmm....so many emotions. Maybe I'm just tired.

Track meet tomorrow. Ah, running, my one true love.

I'll put up pictures when I have a sec....or two....

Life is freaken.........crazy.

Damn, calc test tomorrow. Oh, the agony.

2004-03-15T17:20:00.000-08:00

Pay off.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Christy, you are going to have so much fun at Davis. I wish you the best, and I can't wait
until we visit on our spring break road trip.

Ami-Chan!! Cognrats for getting into MIT! I'm glad they realized how special you are, and
good luck with world domination :o) I'm SOO soo happy for you.
Be sure to tell all the MIT kiddies how horrible Campbell Soup is!
(Oh! And we'll only be a state away! Small hop on the 86 and the 90 and I can be at your
doorstep! Weeee...)

Marcus, congrats on Somona State! Good job!

2004-03-13T23:52:00.000-08:00

"You will have good luck in your personal affairs."

Fortune cookies are fun. That fortune was given to me on the 2nd of March after eating with
Borneman and the other aides. When I read it outloud, Borneman sort of chuckled and said
that I needed it.

Tonight I sit in shock at the past days' events.

My father once told me that in life, often it isn't the "big" decisions at all that end up shaping
the mold of our lives, but rather the insignificant whims people are apt to take throughout
life. He used an example of himself to illustrate: When he worked in Port Hueneme on base
in 83', he one day realized he wanted a change of pace and was getting bored. The coffee
had just run out from the pot, so he went down to another part of the building and while
pouring himself a cup, and saw a flyer. On the flyer was a job offer. A job offer in Madrid.
He called the guy that afternoon and was in Spain two weeks later without knowing much
Spanish or anything much about Spain.
All I can say is, thank goodness for that empty coffee pot.

In October of last year, in the midst of my college search, I came across an email sent me
by the people who created the Quest Scholars Program held at Stanford, to which I had
applied, been a semi finalists, but then not accepted to. I assume their new program, Quest
Bridge, had received my email from the other program. In any case, the Bridge program
was in its first year and was offering to match talented, low-income, students with good
colleges. The details were sketchy, and I didn't think my odds were that great, but I though
"what the heck", and applied. I applied to 10 other colleges over the course of the following months
knowing that the Quest thing was too good to be true, and not realistic at all. In January
I became a finalist, and was told that I was among 120 finalists competing for 17 scholarships.
Yeah right, I thought, that'll happen in my wildest dreams.

Two Saturday's ago I was accepted to USC. That was a great feeling. I had a back up school
atleast now, but I didn't know how the money was going to stretch that far.

I still haven't heard back form Brown, Amherst, Georgetown, Boston U, Hopkins, and the UC's.

On Friday night, while at Gillian's house watching movies, I received a call on my cell phone
and then after calling my father, apologized to Gillian, and drove home in a blur of incomprehension.
Teresa, the nice lady who was keeping me informed about the Quest stuff, had said that of
my two schools (Amherst and Trinity) I had wanted to be matched with, Trinity College had selected
me for one of their three scholarship awards. The only catch: I had exactly one hour to decide
if I was going to accept the offer. The next four years of my future boiled down to something
that was going to have to be decided in less than 60 minutes. Nerve wrecking is an understatement.

My father made calls to relatives. I made calls to friends.

We both came to the same conclusion.

At 9:35 we called Teresa back and told her that I would be honored to accept the full scholarship
to Trinity College, in Hartford, CT.

Yes, a full scholarship. As in tuition, room and board, books, meal cards, and medical stuff.
As in everything but the travel cost. As in....for the next four years.
We're talking forty thousand a year, for four years.
("Damn, that's like *two* porches", as Andrew so eloquently put it.)

This still blows my mind. How has this happened?? Has all my effort finally been rewarded
by the gods of high school? Life is crazy. The more I had learned about the school, the
more perfect it seemed for me. East coast, small, 9-1 teacher student ratio, good premed
program, a campus in Barcelona Spain (for my junior year abroad), and a nice area.

Connecticut is very close to New York, and fairly close to Baltimore. I don't know what I would
do were Isaac and Gillian very far from my side. I really hope Malou gets into Wesleyan,
or Boston College. And Christy.....though on the opposite coast, will always be in our hearts
and only a phone call away.

I'm still in disbelief. I woke up this morning and was terrified that it had all been a nice dream.
Fortunately, I guess good things do happen.

In other good news:
The track meet today, oh yeah, it rocked.
Five minutes, fifty eight seconds.
Damn.
I did it. And it's only the second meet of the season.
Andrew came to cheer me on, which was cool. Such a nice guy.
My goal for the end of the season now: under 5:50. It may be a stretch, but it won't hurt to try.

2004-03-13T23:50:00.000-08:00

You're Wonder Woman!
Great Hera! Okay, you knew I had to say that.
Seriously, you might be a little stuck up
sometimes because you think people don't treat
you right. You trust your friends deeply and
you're not selfish. You're protective of people
and especially those you love and cherish.

Which one of the Justice League (cartoon) are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-03-11T23:02:00.000-08:00

Cabrones. Deja mi pais en Paz, joder!!

Hoy, lloro por Madrid y mi Espana.
Today we grieve, and nothing else matters.
Atocha was bombed today. The train station just blocks from the apartment building were my
parents and I used to live. Atocha, the train station ten blocks from the hospital I was born in,
and seven blocks from the Prado museum. Atocha, the place my family and I were over Winter
break, there months ago. The trains that were bombed were the same ones my family and I
rode from Alcala de Henares (where my abuelitos now live) and Toledo to Madrid and back
various days, and probably the same ones I rode on as a *child*.

All my relatives are fine, gracias a dios, but I was really worried when I first heard the news
this morning. My father called Madrid around 9 and then called me in class. The reality of the
situation didn't hit me until I got home and turned on CNN. I stared at the TV in horror.
Absolute horror.
So many people. There were so many fucking people.

They showed the bombed trains, parts of the city, train station and the victums. I almost
had to turn it off, it was too much to take. How could people have done that?? Why Madrid?
Why the fuck did they have to do that to Madrid?! Not that I'm diminishing life and would
have rather it had been somewhere else, but this is just too personal. I felt personally attacked
and wounded. I feel striped and vulnerable. I feel wronged in a way that nothing has ever
wronged me before. What if my abuelita and tio had been on one of those trains? What
if I had been there this year, and had been one of the victums? It broke my heart to watch the tv.

I don't know whether I am more hurt or angry.

People make no fucking sense sometimes. Yes, killing lots of people is going to get your point
across.....fuck you!!! You have no fucking right to take life from another human being! You have
no fucking right to cause pain to another person! How dare you. Joder, no me creo mis ojos.
No creo a este mundo.

Life in Spain is so laid back and relaxed. I pray that they have the strength and resilience
to bounce back and stay united. Wounded, but not dead. Nothing could kill the spirit of the
country. Le rezo a dios que os de fe y confianza en el. Tambien que quide a todas las familias
que han perdido algien hoy. Que horor, dios, que horor.

I watched a crowd gathered in one of the plazas in Madrid, and pictured myself there, mourning
along side them. Tonight I weep for Madrid, and for my country.

MADRID, Spain (CNN) -- Spanish government officials
have pinned the blame on the Basque separatist
group ETA for Thursday's blasts in Madrid that killed
at least 192 people, but investigators were
also exploring a lead with Arabic and Islamic links.
The brazen morning rush-hour terror strikes at city train stations also wounded at least 1,400.

The initial belief among officials was that ETA, designated a terror group by the United States
and the European Union, was responsible.

But Spanish Interior Minister Angel Acebes said authorities were investigating a van found
in the town of Alcala de Henares [the city my abuelitos live in!!] , outside Madrid,
with at least seven detonators and an Arabic tape with Koranic teachings.

The tape contained no threats and is a type available commercially. The van was stolen last
month.

The new line of investigation, sparked by a citizen's tip, raised the possibility of a link to Islamic
militants.

A U.S. official cautioned it was "still too early to say" whether the bombings were the work of
ETA or other terror groups, including al Qaeda.

Referring to a statement that claimed responsibility and was attributed to a group allegedly
affiliated with al Qaeda that was received by a London-based Arabic-language newspaper,
the U.S. official said "keep in mind we often see false claims of responsibility," and that even
for attacks it did commit, "al Qaeda frequently takes no public credit."

Khalid al-Shami, political editor of Al Quds Al Arabi newspaper in London, told CNN the letter
was from Abu Hafs al-Masri, which he said was affiliated with al Qaeda.

He said the group has issued credible claims in the past and claimed responsibility for Monday's
attacks in Istanbul on a Masonic lodge.

But intelligence sources have consistently told CNN that Abu Hafs al-Masri does not speak
for al Qaeda, and there is a question about whether it exists at all beyond one person with
a computer and a fax machine. (Full story)

In an interview on Radio Popular in Basque Country, Arnaldo Otegi, leader of banned radical
political party Batasuna, said he did not believe ETA was responsible.

The attacks could have been "an operation by sectors of the Arab resistance," he said. Before
the discovery of the van, Acebes said Otegi was simply trying to confuse the situation.
ETA
'must be crushed'.

The scale of the attack was unlike anything ETA has ever carried out. The highest death
toll in any ETA-linked attack was in 1987 -- when 21 were killed in a Barcelona supermarket
blast.

Attacks blamed on or claimed by ETA through the years have killed 800 people in Spain. The
group has been fighting for an independent homeland in northern Spain.

Authorities also said ETA usually posts warnings and claims responsibility for the actions.

One Basque official called it the worst terror attack in Spanish history.

The Spanish ambassador to the United States, Javier Ruperez, who said he believes ETA
was responsible, said "in a way it is" Spain's September 11, referring to the 2001 terror
attacks in New York and Washington.

Spain's Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar addressed the nation and condemned the terrorists
attack, saying ETA must be crushed, and opposed negotiations with them.

"There is no possible negotiation with these killers," he said.

Countries across the world expressed their outrage. (Global reaction)

U.S. President Bush sent his condolences to Spain, one of the top U.S. allies in the Iraqi war,
saying "we weep with the families" and "we stand strong with the people of Spain."

British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw called it "a disgusting assault on the very principle of
European democracy."

The U.N. Security Council unanimously passed a resolution condemning the attack "in the
strongest terms."

The attacks took place at the height of Thursday's rush hour when three separate trains
were hit by near-simultaneous explosions before 8 a.m. (0700 GMT) along the southern
part of Madrid's train network, officials said.

Acebes said there were multiple explosions at the Santa Eugenia, El Pozo and Atocha stations,
and three other bombs were found and detonated by police.

The deadliest blast happened on a train entering Madrid's main Atocha station, according
to Acebes.

Acebes said suspicion focused on ETA because the modus operandi was similar in December
and February incidents, and the type of explosives matched those typically used by ETA.
Anti-terror officials said the dynamite was stolen in France three years ago.

Survivors described scenes of chaos and panic.

"The worst was people screaming for help inside the train and there was nothing we could do,"
one survivor told CNN's Spanish sister network, CNN+.
story.spain.victim.2.ap.jpg
Survivors used mobile phones to tell relatives they were alive.

People in tears walked away from the city's main Atocha station in droves as rescue workers
carried bodies away from the scene. (Eyewitnesses)

The attack took place ahead of Sunday's general election in which Spain's conservative ruling
Popular Party -- which has taken a hard-line stance against ETA -- is leading in the polls.

After the blasts, all political parties announced they were suspending campaign rallies, but
there has been no word that elections would be suspended.

The government called for a three-day period of mourning, and impromptu anti-ETA demonstrations
broke out in Madrid and other cities.

Spanish police -- who have foiled several recent bombing attempts by ETA -- were on high
alert for terror attacks ahead of Sunday's vote. (On The Scene)

Spain's King Juan Carlos, who spent the day visiting the wounded, expressed his sorrow
to the families of the victims on TV in a brief taped address.

"Your king is suffering with you," he said.

He called the perpetrators "cowards and murderers" who "should suffer for the crimes they
have committed."

Spain must be resolute in fighting the violence, he said. "There is no other option but unity,
firmness and serenity in the fight against terrorism."

Shortly after the blasts, Basque leader Juan Jose Ibarretxe held a news conference from
the Basque capital of Vitoria to condemn the violence and to call for demonstrations against
ETA.

Basque member of parliament Gustavo Aristegui -- who was in Madrid at the time of the
attack -- also blamed ETA.

"This is probably Spain's worst terrorist attack in history -- not probably, surely our worst
terrorist attack ever," Aristegui told CNN. "There are people that are real monsters that are
trying to blackmail the whole society through acts of terror."

Spanish Foreign Minister Ana Palacio placed the blame squarely on ETA: "We knew they
are preparing a very big terror attack."

"ETA has a very clear pattern in its activities and we unfortunately have a long experience
in dealing with them," she said.

On February 29, Spanish police seized more than 1,000 pounds of explosives and arrested
two suspected ETA members who were planning to carry out an attack in Madrid, an official said. (Full story)

CNN's Al Goodman and Christiane Amanpour contributed to this report.

2004-03-10T18:31:00.000-08:00

Hurrah! Thank you so much, Danielle!!

Man, that was really fast.

=D =D =D

I <3 the html fairy, and so should you.

2004-03-10T17:29:00.000-08:00

wow, this template is cute... nice choice!

2004-03-10T17:26:00.000-08:00

This blog has been changed by the request of cris, by her procrastination buddy danielle, to the sounds of michael jackson's beat it.

Here you go Cris! I hope I got the right template! = )

2004-03-09T02:41:00.000-08:00

What would I do without hot tea and late night conversations with Charisse?

I simply do not know.

2004-03-08T22:57:00.000-08:00

"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you... while cares will drop off like autumn leaves."
-John Muir

(borrowed from Andrew's blog)

2004-03-08T22:54:00.000-08:00

I want more.

I want to want not.

2004-03-08T22:42:00.000-08:00

It gets me real pissed off and it makes me wanna say

No, I'm not going my physics homework yet.
Calc and Physics are aggravating me more than usual. I assume he's trying to teach the class like a college course, but I sure hope that they explain things (at all) in college. He doesn't teach. Period. The man is incredibly smart, but doesn't know how to share his vast store of knowledge. Oh, but he's great at letting everyone know how unintelligent they are.
For some reason, those two periods contrast with MRS. Hilbrun's English class like day and night. Mrs. Hilburn, though crazy, at least knows how to express what she wants us to do. (For the most part.) She is reasonable in her assignments and her tests. Everything we do is useful and serves some purpose. Or maybe I simply enjoy English one hell of a lot more than math. Blah, I'll take my B and be happy that calc is over at the end of the semester. Apathy, I command thee not to sink in quit yet.

*happy moment of the day*
(In physics 5th per, when I aide)

Frank- "....so me and him...."
Mr.Hilbrun- "Frank, it's *HIM* and *I*."
Me- "Um...actually, it's it *he* and I?

Anyway, I was amused.

Damn it, Andrew's sad.

People gossip too much. (unrelated)

I've been good. Man, I don't know if it's will power or just acceptance. Whatever.

Babbling am I, and so, to bed.

*music of the night*
Ben Folds

2004-03-07T10:58:00.000-08:00

I Love Track Season.

Oh......my.....goodness. I <3 running.
Yesterday was our first invitational meet. Six minutes and five seconds for my mile. Heck yes! I can definitely break 6 minutes by the end of the season. Wheeeeee. That makes me happy. Hmm, that's not too bad for only having trained for two and a half weeks. My knee is feeling fine, which is a relief since I was worried I wasn't going to be able to run competitively anymore.
Although I had forgotten how much fun track meets were, I also had forgotten how freaken long they were! We had to be at school by 7am and didn't get home until 7:45 yesterday evening. The mile race started at 9, and the two-mile started around 4. (That meant 6 hours of chill time for the long distance team. Good thing I brought homework.) It was impressively hot, and the reflective metallic bleachers only served to intensify the heat. I wanted nothing more than not to get burned, so I actively applied sunscreen about every half-hour. It paid off though, comparing my slightly tanned arm to another team member's cherry colored skin. Poor kid.
I couldn't believe the amount of people that were there. The meet was at Moorpark, which has the greatest track ever and a beautiful surrounding area. There were so many chicks running the mile and the two, but it was helpful and reassuring. I was really relaxed during both races, so I thought the sight of girls pushing each other for positions during the first 100 yards a bit unusual and unnecessary. I hung out in back for awhile, and then quickened up after people started to slow down. This usually works well for me, and saves the bumps and bruises for the silly people. (Plus passing people up later on is a great feeling, hehe.) I was content with my pace, and I kept it really consistent- about 1:30 splits, not bad. But best of all, they just felt really good. I was a little nervous on the starting line, but on the actual run, I felt so chilled and relaxed. I did my best and I was content.
The team is coming together this year. Friday after practice, the girls long distance team and I went out to buy shirts to decorate for the season. =D It was cute. Tali, Ashley (Ramirez), Elia, and Danielle all ran XC last fall together. Hellina is a new runner, but sweet and really funny. She's improved a heckofalot since she started, and I have a feeling she'll be really good as the season progresses. We get our warm ups sometime next week. Hurrah! I <3 track clothing....so comfortable.
The sunset was so pretty yesterday. Maybe the fact that we had just finished 8 laps on the track made me appreciate it more, but I still think it was gorgeous. The fading golden light outlined the smoky mountains off in the distance and contrasted with the gentle blues and pinks just above the slowly setting sun. When it had gotten a bit darker, I looked towards the East and was held captive by the sight for a good few minutes. Just over the mountains and the few trees, there began to emerge the biggest (looking) full moon I have ever seen. It looked like some artificial light, or some weird glowing structure, at first, but then I was stunned to discover that this golden hued circular object was actually our very own moon. It was a good ending to our day.

The bus ride back was bit odd for me. I sat in front in my own seat with Jesse across the aisle listening to music. I stared out my window and thought to my self that I felt a bit out of place. There aren't that many seniors on the team this year. Aby, Maria, Jamie, VyVy, Joshie and Ivan aren't running anymore. Rickey is running, which is cool, since we got a chance to talk for an hour or so for the first time in months, but he left before the meet was over. Although the girls on my team are great, and we've gotten to know each other well over the years of running together, I don't really have a close friend on the team. Freshman year it was a blast running with Gillian. Sophomore year we hung out with a lot of the upper classmen. Junior year there was Ivan, Joshie, Aby, and Vy. But this year, I feel rather alone. Strange feeling.
I realize that I miss the people who have graduated, and it is really weird being a senior. So the freshman look up to me as much as I looked up to older teammates? I miss running with Rocio, Rabekah, Rach, Andrea, Lizzy, and all the guys that have graduated too. Without them it seems like the maturity average has gone down drastically. Seeing that gives me the feeling that we (seniors) really are ready to graduate. We need to move on, to move up. We no longer belong here.

Anyway, I think we have a meet Thursday. Camarillo if I'm not mistaken. Hopefully my time will work its way down. :o)

And now on to homework...

2004-03-04T21:24:00.000-08:00

Andrew makes me laugh.

BadAndyFK [9:19 PM]: no, you can't
BadAndyFK [9:19 PM]: no blog
Cwc986 [9:19 PM]: I thought you werent going to make me feel bad
Cwc986 [9:19 PM]: :-/
BadAndyFK [9:19 PM]: that's wasn't making you feel bad
Cwc986 [9:19 PM]: guilt
Cwc986 [9:19 PM]: it was lined with it
BadAndyFK [9:19 PM]: that was keeping you from feeling bad
Cwc986 [9:19 PM]: psh
Cwc986 [9:19 PM]: it didn't work

Cwc986 [9:21 PM]: anyway, off to bed
Cwc986 [9:21 PM]: sooo tired
BadAndyFK [9:21 PM]: you need sleep, school, track and hiking
BadAndyFK [9:21 PM]: no ****
Cwc986 [9:21 PM]: wow, yeah, that about sums it up
Cwc986 [9:21 PM]: LoL
Cwc986 [9:21 PM]: perfect!
BadAndyFK [9:22 PM]: but I won't dictate to you
BadAndyFK [9:22 PM]: now, go to bed

2004-03-04T21:01:00.000-08:00

"Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."

That quote made me cry the hardest during the Passion. Intense movie.

Anyway, quick post and to bed. People were not meant to run on three hours of sleep. Our mini meet went well today, though I had to leave early. My mile time was....okay. But it definitely gives me room to improve. 6:18 is not under 6 minutes....but, it isn't an awful start. It was strange not having people from last year there to cheer me on, but, oh well. Things change.

The interview went well even though Dr. Kantar (the interviewer) saw me an hour later than we had scheduled. Apparently his patients backed up during the day. Meh, it was kind of annoying to wait, but it was nice to get it out of the way. It was a little rushed, since we were both tired, but I think it went well. *crosses fingers* Georgetown sounds like an awesome school and I'm sure DC is interesting as all heck.

Wow, I'm really tired.
Track meet on Saturday....oooh la la.....we'll see how that goes.

I saw Chewy tonight at starbucks! I guess he just got back from Mexico.

Hmm....today is my 17 and a half birthday. lol. I hadn't even thought of that.

Another fourth, aye?
And the memories never leave...

I wish there was a way to make all the bad stuff go away, and we could just be happy again. I hope we can be friends again, someday. I hope you feel better. Maybe we were just never meant to be.

"I wish I had his love, I'm trying my hardest to be more and more like him, I'm apologizing to pepole that I've hated, given to them my love and humility, honesty, and felt ready for them to destroy me with their words or fists. They have, and it hurts, but I know that it's important for me to do that, it's important for me to know that love is the biggest, most important thing there is in this world, without, we would all be lost. I wish that everyone became a beatles fan like jesus, all you need is love."

And so goes lent out the winodw. Arg. Atleast I haven't eatten candy.

2004-03-03T21:28:00.000-08:00

I find a fatal flaw In the logic of love

Today's Random Thoughs:
-Getting out of school is far too easy. How is it possible to simply walk out the gate during lunch time? Or am I just that lucky?
-I need to stop falling asleep in zero period & start paying attention to Mr. Lanning.
-I need to not be bothered by the comments of other people.
-Congrats to Andrew for being accepted to Cal Poly!!!!!! :o)
-The first track meet is on Saturday. I'm suprisingly nervous, but, whatever.
-My Georgetown interview is tomorrow at 5. Wish me luck.
-Getting into USC is going to make the other letters easier to receive.
-What if I can't stand East coast weather?
-I wish my mother were here. It would be so nice.
-Lent always reminds me of my grandmother. This year I gave up candy, coffee, and some thing else starting with a C. I broke the coffee today, accidentally, (Myra gave me a free drink that I didn't think had coffee in it....but...it did). Andrew helped me rationalize it though, and I decided to give up something harder in its place (well see if I can actually do it though :-/ ).
-Yes, it is possible to be *just friends* with a member of the opposite sex, but apparently not possible to keep everyone and their father from talking about it as though it were something more.
-Mandy (from starbucks) is in the hospital for a pancreas infection. Poor girl. Ash, Aby, and I visited her in the hospital after my shift in the ER. Dios, quidala.
-Meech, stay strong. I <3 you.
-Malou, I'm sorry for annoying you.
-Gillian, feel better and get your butt back to school. Dicher!
-Aby, you always are dressed so cutely.
-I'm really enjoying The Plague. I like existentialism, and the book has many good quotes.
-Dios, ruega por nosotros pecadores.
-Touching The Void is a crazy movie. It puts Whitney to shame. People are insane.
-Zoila makes me happy and plays The Postal Service for me at Starbucks.
-I got Aby hooked on The Postal Service.
-Eye candy= Orlando Bloom look alike in starbucks
-I wonder if I'll ever see Alex again.
-I wonder if I even gave him the right phone number. Wow, that would be stupid.
-California Rolls make me happy.
-I <3 mi padre. He loves me unconditionally. I'm going to miss him when I leave.
-WTF. How is it March already, and how are we graduating in 4 months??
-Spring break will be fun. (Road Trip with the girls!!)
-My dad's letting me go to Sandanavia and Russia w/ Mr. B, funded by a graduation present from my grandmother in Arizona. Summer is going to rock.
-Why can you never see an unhealthy relationship when you happen to be in it?
-Do all girls have boxes in their closet of all the memories of the guys whom have broken their heart?
-Things are easier to deal with when they are out of sight. Out of sight, out of mind? Not quite, but it is better.
-Brad, I hope your essay went well. I hope some of my quotes worked for you.
-I want time to do free reading.
-Mrs. Hilburn's class is awesome. It seems like we are learning so much. Too bad it's senior year as opposed to sophomore year.
-I didn't fail the calc test on Tuesday. Wow.
-David Garcia, I wish I could give you what you deserved, but I hope you can settle for friendship. I have tried my hardest not to hurt you, but I cannot control my emotions. You are so genuine, carring, and considerate. I don't deserve what you give me, but I know you expect nothing in return because you are just so nice. I hope you enjoy our crazy adventures as much as I do.

Ok, that's enough. Off to finish english...

"It was undoubtedly the feeling of exile- that sensation of a void within which never left us, that irrational longing to hark back to the past or else to speed up the march of time, and those keen shafts of memory that stung like fire."
- Albert Camus (The Plague)

"Thus, in a middle course between these heights and depths, they drifted through life rather than lived, the prey of aimless days and sterile memories, like wandering shadows that could have acquired substance only by consenting to root themselves in the solid earth of their distress."
-Camus

2004-03-02T22:36:00.000-08:00

Ni modo.

2004-03-01T22:33:00.000-08:00

I want these bumber stickers....
and this shirt too...

the entire site is great.

2004-03-01T22:20:00.000-08:00

George W. Bush is Hate

Isn't it funny that the republicans come up with an issue every four years that is inevitably going to split the democratic party? Last election it was abortion, this time it's gay marriages. I'm feel so proud to live in a country where the government cares more about the people than about the power it is trying to gain. God bless the US.

2004-03-01T22:16:00.000-08:00

You're
the United Nations!

Most people think you're ineffective, but you are trying to
completely save the world from itself, so there's always going to be a long
way to go. You're always the one trying to get friends to talk to each
other, enemies to talk to each other, anyone who can to just talk instead of
beating each other about the head and torso. Sometimes it works and sometimes
it doesn't, and you get very schizophrenic as a result. But your heart
is in the right place, and sometimes also in New York.
face="Times New Roman">Take the Country
Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

2004-03-01T17:40:00.000-08:00

Love Thy Friends, Love Thy Enemies, and Learn How to Drive!!

My weekend was fantastic. Non-stop greatness. Not perfect, not without its downs, but fantastic nonetheless. Friday's run was interesting....remember the really *REALLY* windy day? Yeah, that would be Friday. I was hoping coach would be merciful, but apparently his idea of mercy is letting us run 5 miles instead of the original 7. FUN! Let's go run in the killer wind! Wheee......anyway, to my surprise, it was nice for several reasons. Despite the dust, despite the hair blowing everywhere, despite fighting with every ounce of my weight to keep going in the direction I needed to, I soon discovered that running into the wind made me run.....faster. This seemed odd at first, but then I realized that I was having to work harder to run, therefore it was more challenging, and therefore I had to push myself harder. I just kept saying my little mantra over and over again, and I kept going. By the time we were sprinting the last part (when we reach the parking lot), I was thankful for the wind, because it had pushed me and elicited strength I would otherwise not have used. It made me feel accomplished.
Oh! And starting out on the run, turning right onto Gonzales, I saw.....David Ward!! He was in his car and I assume picking up Stephanie. Wow, waving and smiling to him made me realize how much I miss that guy. We've had some really nice times. (Haha...like sleeping with him on the band bus....wasn't that rumor going around?? Man, how silly. I love people who talk about things they actually know nothing about. Mind your own business.) Anyway, I miss going to the beach with him after school on Fridays and just driving around. He was a great friend. I felt like I could tell him anything, and somehow he understood. He never judged me, and I loved his laid-back attitude. He got me through many crazy times. I remember one day around this time last year....I was having a terrible day....but I walked into 6th period and I hugged him and told him how awful I felt, and then without saying anything, he just picked my up in his comforting arms and started rocking me back and forth like I was a little baby. I felt so much better after that. He always knew how to make me happy, and he was never selfish or arrogant about anything..... Too bad things have changed though, and I haven't talked to him in forever. Last time I saw him, Gillian and I were in Vons, and he and talked briefly. I could tell things had changed though. He wasn't the same....or I wasn't the same.....or....it just wasn't the same. Oh well, nothing is ever static I guess. Next time I talk to him, I'm going to thank him for all the awesome memories and wish him a good life.

Friday night was rockin. The plans were crazy, but Meech and I ended up going to dinner at Natural Cafe (mmmmmmm gooodness) after we had a neato car adventure and I accidentally flipped some guy off who looked like he was going to turn into her car. It was weird....I don't flip people off. I guess I was just scared. Anyway, it was funny at the times I guess. Dinner was good. Zen burgers are the best I say, as are smoothies. Meech and I had a nice chat. We had been planning to go out sometimes for awhile. Meech is great for advice and an ear to listen.
After diner I headed to Gillian's house for a nice girls night in type-o-thing with Christy. Wow....the three of us hanging out?? That hadn't happened in a long time. I seriously can't remember the last time we had gotten together. Gosh, it was hilarious though. We had gone to Vons for fooood....all the good stuff, and then we came back and watching movies. Christy made....pudding, lol. We must have been hyper, but we were cracking up in the kitchen. Though the subject matter was quite different than in previous years, the feeling was still the same, and I realized more than ever what genuine friends I am blessed with.
Christy was so cute. We had had a minor argument previously that day.....but then when we were laying on the couch.....she apologized and just said that she was jealous and that she missed me, and was sorry for being bitchy......aww....it melted my heart.....I couldn't think of anything to say....I just wanted to hug her and cry out, it's ok! I love you and no petty fight is going to change that. It was cute...I <3 Christy.
Gillian and I think too much alike though. But too bad I can't post about that conversation......hehehehe......um, good luck m'dear Guillianie.... ;-)

Saturday morning I woke up at the ungodly hour of 7:30 (lol) to run with the track team. (Hmm....track had better not turn into another cult. I think acadeca was enough for this year.) We did a really nice 9 mile run: Gonzales, right on Victoria, right on Olivas Adobe, down past the car dealerships, over the Santa Clara river/ freeway bridge, south on Ventura, right on Gonzales, and back to school. Whee...I love doing new runs :o) We kept a good pace, but I was surprisingly sore by the end. Meh, I though, oh well. I love being back in shape, it's fanfreakingtastic Coach brought us krispy kreme donuts for after practice.....wth?? Haha...coach is crazy, but cool. I said no thanks since they are way too sweet for me. I remember back to freshman year though....at track meets when they would sell them...(why??)...anyway, I was young, crazy, and absolutely addicted to them. After the one mile I would eat about 6 of them.....and them feel really sick and not want to do the two mile. lol. Freshman year track season reminds me of......gillian, krispy kreme donuts, rickey, and big isaac.....wow, kinda weird to think back that far.
Anyway, after practice I head back to my car only to find a note stuck in the driver-side window. Interesting, I though. I open it, and it turns out to be a really sweet poem.........unfortunately it was not signed.....but it was still really sweet. I was seriously smililng the entire drive home. I just think it's cool that someone would go so out of their way to make someone else's day. I have an idea of whom the annoymus poet might be.....haha, it was legible handwriting, so that kinda narrows it down at our school. And I think band had percussion practice in the morning, so....I think I know who it was. In any case, it was super nice and really surprising.

Gillian, Isaac, Malou, and I decided to see Passion of Christ latter that day.
That movie is beyond words. It was so powerful and moving. No movie has ever made me feel like that before. Malou and I went through so many napkins. I was seriously paralized in my seat when it ended....I didn't want to move.....I just wanted to sit there and continue crying for the rest of the day. Jesus' love for the world blows my mind.

After the movie, we went to Yan Can's and then dropped Isaac off for his date. (Woot, woot! Go Isaac....hehe, hermano, te quiero! Espero que te trate bien! Si no....se va ha fijar.) Then Malou, Gillian, and I decided to drive to Spanish Hills to look at all the mad rich houses, lol. But first....Malou needed a car wash =) So we stopped by a Mobil and did the whole drive through thing...wheeee....."It's moving!! Oh...wait...nevermind, we are." -Gillian.
During the drive I called my dad because he had left a message, and he apologised for being a nervous father, but told me that he had opened my mail. It turns out.....I got accepted to USC!! Not only that...but into the Health Promotion program, which is basically a premed thing. They sent me a bunch of information, and even a list of courses. It made me pretty happy...sort of like a "Oh yay, someone wants me!" type of thing. I'm still waiting to see what Amherst, Brown, Georgetown, and Boston U say.....but I'm sure it will all work out. I realized that I will probably be happy where ever I choose to go.

The next morning I woke up early too (what's with not being able to ever sleep in??) and went for an awesome hike. Andrew and I had planned on doing La Holla (right off the PCH near Mugu rock) but since we had already done that hike before, he decided to add another part to it called the Guadalasca Trail, which neither one of us had been on before. That extra part turned the hike into atleast 10 miles. Welll....little did we know, however, what awaited as, and as we accended the last 1/4 of the trail, we nearly died because we climbed up the steepest and longest trail I have ever seen.....it was seriously crazy.....as though they had gotten tired of making trails, so they decided to simply clear a trail going straight down the side. How thoughtfull of them. Anyway, that's a good trail to train on for Whitney, wihch we plan to do this summer, both our second times. That should be fun. If we get permits, we'll be going up the opposite side of what I did last summer. So, it will all be new, but hopefully just as challenging. Andrew's awesome to hike with. He knows a lot about the outdoors and trails and stuff. I miss the hikes I would do with the Mount Whitney girls last year though. *tear* Lo hecho de menos.
Oh! In the morning, on the drive up to La Jolla (at, like, 7:30) we pulled right up to Margie's car at a stop light and I got to say hi. What a strange coincidence. She thought it was great we were going hiking. (Margie's the wonderful woman who created the Reach the Top project.) How crazy....

Man, I was pretty sore the rest of the day.......like, painful to walk status. Haha...I love being sore...it means my muscles are working.

The air on Sunday smelled like summer. It was fresh, and clean.....and I guess I has a lot of sun block on...... lol. Bueno, de toda manera, despues de volver a casa quise dar un paseo con mi perito porque no me queria quedar en casa. El sol brillabe demasiado y yo lo queria aprovechar porque los dias de sol heran pocos la semana pasada. Me pase, por lo que sea, a la casa de un amigo, y por suerte, estaba en casa. Estaba tumbado en el sofa pensando despues de ir coriendo, y todavia tenia su ropa de correr puesta. Me dejo, "Bueno, quieres dar un paseo?". Claro que si, le dije. Y nada......alli nos fuimos. Caminamos y hablamos dos horas por lo menos. Dimos vueltas al parque Cabrillo, y me quite los zapatos para estar mas comoda. Si querais saber la verdad.....es que hecho eso de menos. Pasar tiempo ocn el solitos....como antes.....como fuimos antes. Simpaticos....amables...amigos sobre todo. Ayer me acordo mucho de el ano pasado. Pero, algo si ha cambiado......ahora yo lo entiendo. Me fije que todavia cambia cuando estamos con otra gente (fuimos a visitar Malou, y se puso tonton como siempre). No se porque es asi, pero si se que le gusta hablar conmigo como amigos.....nos entendemos la mayoria del tiempo, y nos lo pasamos muy bien. Me encanta jugar con el.....es muy divertido. Me hace alegre, y yo ha el. Pero siempre me tengo que acordar de que solo somos amigos. Aunque sepa que es totalmente equibocado para mi....me sige gustando....y otra vez a acordarme. Bueno, por lo menos lo veo ahora, y lo acepto. El paseo era muy agradable, y me gusto asegurarme que todavia somos amigos, aunque pasa mucho tiempo que hablamos seriamente. Bueno, la vida es asi, verdad? Confio que todo termina bien y que tengo un chico por alli que sera perfecto para mi......mi "alma gemela".....ay...que graciosa.....bueno, me esperare....

Hmm...that was rather long. Anyway, that was my weekend. I hope you enjoyed reading about it as much as I enjoyed living it.

"Life is only as good as the memories you make."

2004-02-25T21:54:00.000-08:00

Josh, I am sooo sorry!!

Oh man, I may have just killed all of Josh's future children. :-/
I feel really bad, since he was on the ground for quite awhile. Um, but in my defense....he sort of had it coming. I was wrestling fair enough. I successfully got back my cell phone from his pocket and was about to take off with his picture somewhere in my pants, and had he not grabbed my jacket at arms length as I was running away, my heal would have never even come close to his penis at all! Thus sparring him god awful pain. So, it's his fault, but I do feel bad.
I have no idea why I was given the power to kick guys square in the balls, and I suppose I'll never know.
The worst part though, was when some guy came out of the board room and told us to be quiet because the meeting was still going on. Oh man...that was embarrassing. Hmm....and so was the fact that a crowd across the street was blatantly starring. I didn't realize how loud we were being. Andrew said it looked pretty suspicious......first like I was getting raped, and then when Josh was on the ground, like we were just having sex. A (really cute) security guard walked over to make sure things were okay as Josh was on the floor moaning. I explained, and the guy said he figured it was something like that. Then he gave me a little smile and walked back across the street. Man, acadeca sure left a great impression.
By the time Joshie got in his car and Andrew and I got in his to go to Starbucks, we were absolutely drenched. Sopping. Not a dry spot on us (well me anyway).

Oh, and I did give the picture back...

Andrew- "Didn't Josh want a bisectamine anyway? I think you just saved him thousands of dollars. He should be greatful!"

(at starbucks)
Me- "Andrew, I'm really wet and I can't concentrate on my calculus because I can't stop thinking about Josh's penis!"
Andrew- *resist making comment*
Me- "Wow, that came out horribly, didn't it?"
Andrew- *nods*

2004-02-25T18:50:00.000-08:00

I wear My Heart on my sleeve...

I like these things called "good days".
Despite waking up late and missing 0 period, I felt really calm and together this morning. Like once again I knew everything was going to be okay. Last night was.....nice. Bittersweet perhaps, but not completely bad. Things needed to be said and I'm glad we talked. I think I was understood, and I think I understand myself and what I need to do. I still can't believe that things would have ever worked out like this. But...it must have happened for a reason, so I'll let it be.

Ashley was in a good mood during calculus because she had done all the homework and understood it (not, mind you, an easy feat in that class). She explained it to me somewhat, but sheesh, I need to catch up and put some serious time in. It's getting pretty crazy, and I really want to understand and keep up. Tri is great. That boy cracks me up. Ashley didn't want to sit by me because I'm still a little sick, so she moved away, but then Tri said I could come sit in the desk by him if I was lonely. He said that he was tough and never got sick. It was cute. Mr. Hilnurn eventually made Ash sit back in her seat though.....buahaha....so I went back to mine and sat as close to her as possible. (lol) Oh! Another reason why 2nd and 3rd period were tolerable today..... Andrew uberly surprised me! Hehehe....it's a long story but I did something that surprised him, so he said he owed me and was going to make it good. And oh man, I totally didn't expect it today. He has physics with Hilburn before me, so he left a thing of Heath Bites (the little toffe things....sooo soo good especially since I <3 toffee...mmmmmmm...gooood....) on my chair with a note written on the backside of a map with the hike we're planning on doing this Saturday morning. It was perfect! I <3 Andrew. I said no more candy during track season, but it was okay since we didn't run today anyway due to rain. Hehe. Sooo.....we had fun eatting those in physics. Ash set them up as thought they were pool balls and we were "breaking" them. It was great. Then people ate the rest of them in english.
Fourth reason today rocked: Malou, Gillian, Isaac, Christy, and I decided to go to Magic Mountain for the physics thingie on March 14th! Whheeee....Malou's going to drive and we are bound to have a blast.
Fifth reason today rocked: We got senior ball pictures yesturday and Aaron was really happy when I gave him his today. Hehe...that boy is crazy, and ever so sweet. He always knows what to say to make me feel nice, and never expects anything in return.
Sixth reason today rocked: Christy said that my name was mentioned this morning in announcements for being a Semi-Finalist for the CocaCola scholarship thingy, and other things apparently. Neato. I didn't hear it, since Mr. Hilburn turned his volume down, but it's all good I guess.

Okie doke....off to the Acadeca thing at the Oxnard District board meeting...fuun stuff.

Oh, and the rain......is really cool. Except that we can't run. But other than that, I love it.

2004-02-25T18:21:00.000-08:00

there is really
nothing more to say-
except why.
but since why
is difficult to handle,
one must take refuge in how.

toni morrison

2004-02-24T20:42:00.000-08:00

But now I stand on honest ground, on honest ground

Tonight was the second half of the mock trial competition. Wheeee.....the defense was pretty good. Watching them made me sad I had dropped out, but then I realized that I really would have gone crazy with everything.....acadeca and my nazi classes were about what I could handle sanely. Anyway, OHS went up against Camarillo and Jess was the prosecution attorney!!! Holy cow, she was fantabulous. She was fanfreakingtastic. It was nice to see her again, too. Last week she had sent me an email congratulation us on acadeca, and I wished her well with mock trial. Margie was there too! (LoL! Mount Whitney reunion, haha. Gaby ( the attorney mentor whom I worked for during summer), Amanda (from this year's girls), and Katie (from this year's girls and who goes to Camirillo) were there too. How funny.) Margie is awsome. I admire her incredibly, and I think I'll do some hikes and leadership setions with the new team this year. That would be fun, and I want to meet the new girls. I'm incredibly happy that Amanda decided to apply. She has a lot to offer the project and vise versa. Anyway, I'm glad I decided to go cheer on the team. Malou was so cute, Jesse's questioning was such a crack up, and Josh looked hot. I didn't get to see David go his part (because I left right after the first half) but he looked very handsome in his suit and I'm sure he did well after I left.
Oh! Ivan and Joshie remembered Jessica (from cross country, track, and what I told them about the Mt. Whitney project) , which I thought odd because Ivan usually doesn't remember too much, lol. (Haha, when I talked to Jess after the trial, she said that she had been giving Ivan all the evil looks she could! Lol, but then I reassured her that stuff between us was cool. Her boyfriend, Peter, was there too. He seems really sweet.)

I drove Meech to the court house and I'm glad I got to hang out with her for a bit. It was great chasing her around the parking lot in high heals trying to get pictures back from her. Ah, what a gal. Guys are so stupid and I really do not understand them sometimes. Meech deserves better than what she is going through. I just hope she stays strong and realizes that she can do better and that she has no idea what else is in store for her. But she's optimistic and I know she can deal with whatever life gives her.

Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything.
-Mary Hemingway

2004-02-23T17:37:00.000-08:00

And just as quickly as the rain had come, it had vanished...

Despite the lack of sleep, I woke up this morning feeling a little better. I got the rest of my physics done, and then I went off to 0 period. I was less frustrated with the problems and suddenly they made more sense to me. Like my head had been refreshed and could finally concentrate. What a nice surprise that was. Aby helped Ashley and me with one last one in Bio, and then I finished up the lab in 1st period. (I love aiding for Borneman and getting government credit for acadeca. He's a great teacher, but I just didn't want one more class to worry about, especially not a silly CP one.)
The physics test went well. *gasp* I felt....prepared. Wow. I ended up getting 390 out of 450. Not too bad, especially running on two hours of sleep and an emotional overload. (Malou got a 400! Good job beautiful! lol). The last 20 minutes of class, Ahsley and I memorized our intro paragraphs for Rosencrantz and Guildenstern essay for the following period. The existentialism unit we've been covering in English has been really interesting. (Especially when you can discuss an assignment for hours, right Malou? Haha...that was an interesting chat.) Existentialism reminds me of Taoism, but less naturey. Anyway, I think the essay went well. I even managed to slap on a half decent conclusion linking it to Cosmic Orphan. Oooh la la, she had better like that. I felt pretty good about it over all, but now with that said, I'll probably get a terrible grade on it, lol. Oh well. I thought it was decent, so I'm happy. Last Wednesday was insane in that period. I consider English my favorite class simply because the class is so small and closely-knit, not to mention that everything we cover is really interesting and I can see a point in every assignment she gives us. Plus Mrs. Hilburn's insanity can be amusing, when it is moderated, mind you. However, Wednesday was crazy. Everyone was confused because she keeps throwing dates and assignments at us without explaining them as well as she could and then everyone talks....and it's just a mess of madness. Anyway, I remember turning to Malou and just having a mutual moment of disgust and apathy. Why was the class annoying us so much? Anyway, I guess it was just that things were crazy last week, oh well. Mrs. Hilburn liked Malou's and my thesis statements on Thursday, so it sort of made up for it.
On to lunch...

Reclaiming a friend...
Yes, we have all been busy. Yes, we have all been stressed out. Yes, we've been drifting. Last night I wrote a letter to a lost friend. It hurt to acknowledge the situation and to apologies for not doing anything about it sooner. I felt like things were out of my control, but now I realize that they aren't, and we just have to put more effort into the things that we care about. It felt good to finally get things out into he open. We were talking about it at lunch. I started crying and then Dee and Steph came up to hug me....and the Gillian....and then it turned into one giant group hug. Aww...it was cute. I talked to Malou a little about it too, though I get to see her more since she is in the calc and physics AP block with me. I have a feeling that things are going to get better. :o)

I felt so much better by 6th period and my run was awesome. I love getting so lost in thought that you don't realize that you are even running anymore. It's like you leave your body somehow. Your body just gets into the rhythm of the run and keeps going. You stare off to a distant corner, you blink, and then you're there. It's crazy cool.
I'm really excited about the team this year. We might be pretty good. I hate sprinting. Well, no. I hate doing repeat sprint workouts. They aren't *that* bad, but oooohhh......ouch...they hurt. But it feels so good to push yourself and I know it's actually the sprinting that will make us faster at distance in the end. Shmeeh, oh well. There a really cocky and rude guy on the team who is apparently a senior, but I guess it's his first year running. He's a good enough runner, but he bugs me sometimes.

Anyway, it feels good to be thinking clearly once again. I <3 my friends.

2004-02-23T01:30:00.000-08:00

Is this what a toy feels when it's batteries run dry?

Starfox0064x: whoa very late
Cwc986: yeah.....physics....and dealing with life...
Cwc986: oh the joys
Starfox0064x: lol
Starfox0064x: yep...homework presentations tomorrow?
Cwc986: ugh
Cwc986: say it isn't so
Starfox0064x: wait...life too...man...that's a lot

Starfox0064x: ok ok...I guess I'll let you deal with the greater evil
Starfox0064x: physics...
Starfox0064x: life can wait...can it?
Cwc986: haha, or sleep can, one of the two

FatKidBilly: how you be my pretty lady?
Cwc986: a bit better
Cwc986: but yeah......darn that emo-ness.....darn all these crazy emotions
Cwc986: has the world ever started spinning out of control to the point that you feel powerless to stop it?
Cwc986: like the things that are happening are just too much for you to deal with?
Cwc986: like life has just decided to give you one too many things to handle?
Cwc986: like you feel defeated....and empty.....and cold....and alone...
Cwc986: but anyway, that's an improvement, and I'm sure it's just pms.....tomorrow the true optimistic and happy cris will reimmerge....
Cwc986: hopefully
FatKidBilly: THAT is an improvement?!
FatKidBilly: oh, cris...
Cwc986: yeah, I know...
Cwc986: but it'll be ok
FatKidBilly: but, yeah, we all have those periods.
FatKidBilly: we just have to remember not to let it keep us down
FatKidBilly: like i said, keep thinking opimistically
FatKidBilly: or at least TRY to
Cwc986: si si
FatKidBilly: nothing ever defeats us unless we let it.
Cwc986: i'll get through it....but...sheesh...life doesn't stop testing us I guess
FatKidBilly: nope, it doesn't
FatKidBilly: life would be boring anyway if it didn't
Cwc986: true
Cwc986: I'm grateful for my trials, but, oy, I wish there was some easier way to grow up.....here, make all of my mistakes for me...
FatKidBilly: yeah... =/
FatKidBilly: is all this clay stuff really getting to you that much?
Cwc986: yeah, it is.....but it's not just that
Cwc986: it's.....everything....
FatKidBilly: ...like?
Cwc986: the stress is too much, and I have no time for my friends anymore...
Cwc986: read gillian's blog.....man, it really got to me.....I realized how bad things have been
Cwc986: it seems like we are all consumed in our own little worlds with school and our activities
Cwc986: blah, and now I just ramble incomprehensibly
Cwc986: ok, to bed!
Cwc986: oh, shit, wait, no....to physics problems!
Cwc986: wheee
Cwc986: ok, but seriously
Cwc986: everything is going to be fine
Cwc986: I've just hit a rough patch
FatKidBilly: okay
FatKidBilly: this is what i'm going to do
FatKidBilly: i am going to email you all my "wisdom" since i am distracted with a current boy problem (i hate talking about my feelings on AIM, but he is being stupid)
FatKidBilly: and don't worry, cris, you will be fine
FatKidBilly: you and all your friends
Cwc986: ok, thank you, charisse
FatKidBilly: <3 you
Cwc986: I know everything will work out...
FatKidBilly: yes, it will
FatKidBilly: stay strong
FatKidBilly: good luck with those physics problems!
Cwc986: always
Cwc986: hehe
Cwc986: have a good night and hope things work out with the boy problem!
FatKidBilly: thank you!
FatKidBilly: good night to you too!

"The sun’ll come out, tomorrow,
Bet your bottom dollar, that tomorrow,
There’ll be sun,

Just thinkin’ about, tomorrow,
Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow, till’ there’s none,

When I’m stuck with a day, that’s grey and lonely,
I just stick out my chin, and grin, and say,

Oh, the sun’ll come out tomorrow,
So you gotta’ hang on till’ tomorrow,
Come what may."
-Annie

2004-02-22T12:18:00.000-08:00

Mas photos.

I put up Gillian's party and Senoir Ball, but I still need to put some acadeca ones up.

2004-02-22T01:41:00.000-08:00

Wow. Feeling slightly betrayed at the moment.

That is *not* how things were supposed to turn out.

2004-02-21T19:14:00.000-08:00

The Saddest Girl Story

"So it's safe to say that we've been here before;
Heart torn out, down for the count and still come back for more.
This lesson is learned too well.
Though, only unlearned by the time your wounds have healed.
Have you had enough?
I guess not because your lips are stuck to his [hers].
It's time to say enough is enough, you would be so better off.
You love him but tough because it's not coming back from him.
You can't win.
Stop expecting change, he's just a lost cause that you're waiting on.
Take a look around, you could have anyone.
So leave undeserving him.
It only hurts at first.
But then you will find someone to give you everything you want.
Try not to go running back to him.
So it goes unsaid that we've been here before.
Lonely nights and endless fights and sleeping on the floor.
And he's sorry, so the story goes.
It's read and replayed and ends the same way
Stop expecting change, he's just a lost cause that you're waiting on.
Take a look around, you could have anyone.
So leave undeserving him.
Stop expecting change, he's just a lost cause that you're waiting on.
Take a look around, you could have anyone."

-The Starting Line

Cheek To Cheek
Bound to say something, eyes closed,
It's cold, and I'm home
I feel like nothing again,
Pretending not to care, but I care,
And I care, don't say another word
Our time was worthless, but I tried
We started over and over again, as we let go
Held each other, held hands,
Held standards and grudges
That's when I let you know,
I guess that goes to show

Just what I've been going through,
More nights of hugging my pillow, oh
Replaying memories

Sing this song for me;
Tell me how you'll never leave my side
And I'll meet you around 7,
And I miss you already, goodbye to you.

And I tried so hard,
And I've done my part,
And not to mention most of all of yours
Try and feel,
Try and listen,
Try and think of what you're missing,
Try to look into my eyes.
TRY

Goodbye.

-The Starting Line

"Secondary"

And it comes down to you
Never and ever, wrecked his day
Looks and flirts and midnight in your shortest skirt
Past the point of trying, I'm a dying breed
Thank you for reminding me of all the things I've done completely wrong

Stop these looks and letters
This isn't for the better,
you've stripped me down
It's for the worse
You're not my girl [guy]
(can't recall, I can't recall all the times)
I can't recall all the times
that she talked down to you
Letter's come again

Stop the circulation
to my legs and break my bones
Dateless and late
I'm better by myself at home
Past the point of trying and I'm dying here
Secondary laughs at every word
I know came out completely wrong

Stop these looks and letters
This isn't for the better,
you've stripped me down
It's for the worse
You're not my girl
(can't recall, I can't recall all the times)
I can't recall all the times
that she talked down to you
Letter's come again

And it's my last semester
And brothers [sisters]always come first
It's my last semester (it's my last semester)
At least until next winter (at least until next winter)
But I'm sure that I'll be over this by then
Better scenes... I wish you'd seen me
Better off if I just let it be
Better pretend it doesn't matter
Better of if I could have her
Better days since the day I met her
I'd better hope she got my letters
Better off in two year stretches

-Brand New

Seventy Times 7

"Back in school they never taught us
what we needed to know
Like how to deal with despair
of someone breakin your heart
For twelve years I've held it all together
but a night like this is beggin to pull me apart
I played it quiet left you deep in conversation
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen
I remember I kept thinking
that I know you never would
And now I know I want to kill you
like only a best friend could

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...

As if it happening wasn't enough
I got to go and write a song
just to remind myself how bad it sucked
Ignore the sun, covers over my head
Wrote a message on my pillow that says
"Jesse, stay asleep in bed"
Don't apologize (I hope you choke and die!)
Search your shelf for something which to hang yourself
They say you need to pray
if you want to go to heaven
But they don't tell you what to say
when your whole life has gone to Hell!

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to...

So is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids
Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there's ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
and again when your head goes through the windshield

Is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
So let's end this call and end this conversation
And is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say "best friends" means friends forever

Is that what you call a getaway?!!
Tell me what you got away with!!
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish!!
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids!!
Have another drink and drive yourself home!!
I hope there's ice on all the roads!!
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
then when your head goes through the windshield!!

(I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to...
(I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to..."

-Brand New

2004-02-21T19:08:00.000-08:00


Mawwiage is wuv. Twuuue wuv.


Marriage is love.

Last Monday, while driving home from the hospital (volunteering), I was listening to NPR. They were talking about the hundreds of marriages that had been performed that day for gay and lesbian couples in San Francisco at city hall. The San Fran Mayor, Gavin Newsom, was talking for awhile, and then the guy who was going to take the whole thing to court the next day spoke a bit. I kept thinking how stupid his arguments were, and how badly supported. After dancing around the question by not answering it and just saying it was "bad" and "not American", he finally did give an answer and claimed that same sex marriages would cause the corruption of society and the deterioration of the entire system of marriage. He said that if God had ordained marriage between a man and a woman only. At this point I started yelling at my radio because this man was clearly an idiot. It's funny that they used religion to support the 1940's opposition to interracial marriage, claiming that God had placed different races on different continents for a reason and that they were not meant (BY GOD) to join in holy matrimony.
What crap.
I'm glad our world has changed to some degree since then, but I find it appalling that people are still facing the same problem because of others' close-mindedness and flat out stupidity.
Religion bugs me. Well, no, not religion, but organized religion and stupid people. How dare you force your beliefs on other people. How can people take certain things from the bible and want to adhere adamantly to then while blantantly and purposely ignoring everything they dislike?? "I'll take what I want and forget the rest." Yeah, that's wonderful. I'm sure that is what Jesus would do. So I say, if you are against gay marriage, you had better make sure that you are fucking perfect and follow every single rule that the bible (the kosher laws, the clensiness laws, etcetc). Until then, shut up, because you look like a moron.

Oh, and while I'm on the topic of religion and idiots. Bush needs to be shot. Well, not killed, but definitely put into exile (with no food :o) on some tiny and remote island or perhaps abandoned on a street in Iraq where he will most likely be killed just like the ordinary Iraqi civilians whom are dying my the hundreds *everyday*. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU JUSTIFY WAR WITH RELIGION???

Better yet, HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU JUSTIFY BLOOD WITH OIL AND WAR??

Mr. Bush, your hands will forever be bloody and I hope you can't sleep at night.

It befuddles me. People with power need to stop thinking only of their own interest. Aren't they running the country for other people?? APPARENTLY NOT.

And how can people be so focused on and against gay marriage (something that is making people UBERLY HAPPY) when there are tons of other battles they can fight that would make more sense and be more productive.

Bah, ok, enough. The extent of peoples' capacity for stupity amazes me.

2004-02-17T00:25:00.000-08:00

Pictures!!

I still need to add pictures from Gillian's party, more acadeca studying, acadeca comp and the awards, Senior Ball, and coloring Andrew and Josh's hair. But I think I did a decent job for one weekend.

Ashley- "He got you white ones? Strange.....white makes me think of purity, innocents, and honesty......basically everything that he's not...."

“I felt the ground on which I stood was crumbling, that there was nothing for me to stand on, that what I had been living for was nothing, that I had no reason for living..... To stop was impossible, to go back was impossible, and it was impossible to shut my eyes so as to see that there was nothing before me but suffering and actual death, absolute annihilation.”
-Tolstoy

Death interpreted metaphorically, this applies quite nicely to a certain relationship.

2004-02-16T22:38:00.000-08:00

"Tanto tiempo escribiendo una historia de amor,
y es ahora cuando entiendo el dolor."
-El Libro (La Oreja De Van Gogh)

2004-02-16T22:36:00.000-08:00

Oh man, I laughed so hard at this comment...
BadAndyFK: adios (I like typing in spanish cause you can't hear the crappy accent)

(Laughing is great, but hard to do with someone whom for the moment you deeply dislike.)

I hate seeing nice guys getting hurt...

Dj Squizzum: is it possible for a guy to be too nice?
Cwc986: yes
Cwc986: but as long as he's being nice for the right reasons, then it's ok
Dj Squizzum: ok, I'm lost.
Cwc986: as long as the person he's being nice to deserves his consideration
Cwc986: hmmm.......like if a guy likes a girl?
Dj Squizzum: yeah
Cwc986: yeah, sometimes guys will treat girls really really well, but they aren't appreciated.....and just end up hurt...
Dj Squizzum: ::points to self::
Dj Squizzum: ok
Dj Squizzum: so you're a yes?
Cwc986: so, if you are being uberly nice to someone, make sure you are doing it to just be nice and that you aren't going to be hurt if the chick doesn't appreciate your super nice efforts
Cwc986: does that make sense?
Dj Squizzum: yeah
Cwc986: I suppose that is a yes......but being nice to people is a good thing
Cwc986: the world needs more nice people
Dj Squizzum: yeah
Cwc986: (go you! :o)
Dj Squizzum: but if the guy gets hurt and sees the jerk getting the girl, the wheels start turning.
Cwc986: oy
Cwc986: ok, here's the thing...
Cwc986: girls are crazy, fundamentally crazy
Cwc986: they go for jerks
Cwc986: and it doesn't make sense
Cwc986: they don't like taking the easy way out of things
Cwc986: they like making things complicated
Dj Squizzum: yeah, I figured.
Cwc986: (I'm speaking from experience)
Dj Squizzum: same here
Dj Squizzum: personally I think every girl on the planet is insane.
Cwc986: yes, I quite agree
Cwc986: but guys can be pure bastards, so it evens out
Dj Squizzum: in a way
Dj Squizzum: I just think guys are idiots
Cwc986: yes, with that I can agree
Cwc986: they do not think before they act.....a good portion of the time
Dj Squizzum: mmmhmm
Cwc986: and can be quite selfish
Cwc986: but then again...so can girls
Cwc986: so maybe it simply goes for people in general
Cwc986: le sigh
Dj Squizzum: heh
Dj Squizzum: well I gtg, thanks for the input
Cwc986: anyway.....my advice is that if she is worth it....then continue being nice. But if you don't get results after a long time.....then find someone else worthy of your time
Dj Squizzum: ok
Dj Squizzum: ty
Cwc986: see ya later, hope it helped!
Dj Squizzum: adios
Cwc986: buhbye

2004-02-16T12:00:00.000-08:00

Crazy weeked, but lots of fun. I'll post about it later as soon as get through all the homework Mrs. Hilbrun is trying to smother us with.

Amy- "Now she knows that acadeca is over, it seems like she's trying to kill us with work."

(Or atleast confuse the heck out of us.)

Oh! I'm almost done putting up pictures on webshots!! It takes forever. I'll link to it when I finish :-D

2004-02-11T22:30:00.000-08:00

Last week I had the strangest dream that everything was exactly how it seemed...

Track began yesterday. Oh yes, now I recall what it feels like to be sore. Every muscle begging not to be moved, legs just wanting to be motionless for awhile, arms protesting as they lift something heavy. Ah, it's great. I had been running....but only sporadically and never very far. Now I get to train, ferociously and seriously (lol). My goal this year is to break 6 minutes for the mile. I'm determined. That's all there is to it. Last year the best I ran was a 6:02.....rar! So close. I think I'll time my mile tomorrow, as embarrassing and discouraging as it may prove. I need something to work from.
I hadn't realized how much I missed running with the team. Last year I just ran with Ivan after 6th period, since we both had Borneman's religion class, and occasionally Jesse too. The season's going to be quite different without Ivan on the team, but things change and can't be helped, I suppose. It's funny though, I haven't talked to Ivan in forever....it's like he's a complete stranger now. I barely know him, even though I see him every day in classes. Oh well, things change, so goes life.

There's a new girl in track, who ran cross country this year too. Her name's Tali and she is an amazing runner. She's pretty tiny, but I swear that her legs make up half of her body. I think she's only a freshman, but she's seems cool enough. I'll try not to turn too green as she passes me on the way to the finish line during races. Heh.

Gawd, I'm sore. But man, it feels really good. "It hurts so good". I love being active and in shape. Wahooo....get those endorphins pumping. Lord knows that I could really use them. Things have been alright.....but......not really. I'm super lucky to have had acadeca and now tons of school work to slightly occupy my thoughts with. I don't understand things anymore, and I just want some stability back....something slightly less fucked up. But I suppose that is just too much to ask of life.

"The human spirit is stronger than anything that happens to it" - C.C. Scott

"And the only thing I could think of is how much I wanted her to be a part of all my f*cked up stories, for her to know them all, and I know that she would absorb every instance of them, because she loves that, she loves that kind of stupid, random knowledge, the kind of trivia that only someone that loves someone else should ever want to know."

2004-02-10T23:23:00.000-08:00

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results

Sociability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Gregariousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Activity Level	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Excitement-Seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Enthusiasm	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	61%
Trust	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Morality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Altruism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Cooperation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Modesty	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Sympathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Friendliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	75%
Competence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Neatness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Achievement	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Self-Discipline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|	18%
Volatility	\|\|\|	10%
Depression	\|\|\|\|\|\|	14%
Self-Consciousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Impulsiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Vulnerability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	73%
Imagination	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Artistic Interests	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Emotionality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Liberalism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	77%

Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test

2004-02-10T00:22:00.000-08:00

Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.
The look stapled on your face cries out for forgiveness,
the one thing that I cannot give.

Did you ever see that one person
and the way they do these things
and it hurts you so much it's like choking choking choking
down the embers

I can give you freedom from your guilt,
with a flick of my wrist onto yours.
I can give you peace of mind with a forced smile.
I can give you death with the look upon my face.

This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss and no regrets;
you don't deserve good bye.
This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss and no good bye.

Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.

With a short story, the one you add to daily, you are the tragic loss.
No story book ending for this fairy tale of you.
Just the one composed with blood taken from your pen that you hold in your
lifeless hand.
Cry for you. Shed tears. Mourn. Wish the end.
Cry for you. Shed tears. Mourn. Wish the end.

Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down in the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is
A reminder of what I'll never have
I'll never have... I'll never...
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you.
Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
And you let this one person come down, come down.
I cherish you...I cherish you.
Just say you would do the same for me.
Just say you would do the same for me.
Say you would do the same...
Just say you would do the same for me.
For as much as I love Autumn,
I'm giving myself to Ashes.

Short Stories with Tragic Endings- Autumn to Ashes

2004-02-09T23:36:00.000-08:00

First in Super Quiz, Second in County!! Go OHS Acadeca!!

The best feeling in the world is when hours upon hours of work and sacrifice finally pay off. Saturday was the actual comp after seven months of reading and about four solid days of *straight* cramming and studying the week before (I seriously thought I was going to go crazy....too much....information...ahhh). But I didn't go crazy, thank goodness, and neither did any of the other information-overloaded people on the team. Oxnard won the oral relay on Saturday (45 to Simi Valley's 39) which put us in an amazing mood, and Christy and I had our picture put in the Star the next day (it was so cute!). Both Ami-Chan and Andrew got perfects during the relay....it was awesome. No one from OHS had ever done that before. Go them, they rock my socks off! After the relay ended Christy and I dashed off to my house to get ready for senior ball in approximately......fifty minutes! LoL. It was pretty funny. We were both soo extremely hyper and ecstatic from the comp. But more about senior ball later....back to acadeca. The actual awards ceremony was Sunday, at Pacifica. The slide show they do every year is really sweet and they did a good job this year. Oxnard actually got some pictures in *gasp*. There were several really cute ones of Chris and Christy....*awwww*, lol. And there were four of my as I ran into B's classroom ecstatic after my speech and interview had ended....like a slow motion slide show type of thing capturing my emotions. It was strange, but cool. They did a section on the Acadeca Diet.....soo hilarious! Pizza's, twinkies, cookies, licorice, chocolate, Starbuck's, gold fishies, and candy became our staples. Man, acadeca has turned me into a fat kid. Junk food is godly. Hahahaha. (Good times, right Christy and Ash??) But track season is near, so back to my nutritious diet, lol. Mmmm....food in general is just heavenly. Track season back to madly toned Cris, hehehe. Annyway....ceremony.....medals were handed out after the slide show and Mr.Conte looked incredibly depressed because OHS wasn't getting as many medals as Simi or Santa Susana (but medals only go to the top three from every division and category, so they don't determine everything). Borneman predicted that we were going to end up in forth- incredibly depressing. For a good ten minutes I wondered why we had spend so much time for nothing, who were we fooling? Why had I sacrificed tons of hours on something useless when I could have been hanging out with friends (gillian!) or something that would raise my happiness level as opposed to my stress level? Fortunately, as I was lost in pessimistic thoughts, I suddenly heard my name announced and realized that Andrew and I had tied for the bronze in Music!!! Hah! What a good feeling that was! Everything was not in vain!! It was very surreal though. I was shaking when I walked up on stage simply because I was still in disbelief. How had I scored higher than all of two people in my category? (Haha...one of whom was Chris Davis- he got the silver! lol!) That medal was totally for Borneman who had led the music sessions and wanted to do well. I was really stoked. It was the only medal I received, but I was just fine with that. (Even though I thought I was going to do really well in Lang and Lit, not only because I love it, but because I had studied the most for it. Ironically, I had just read the music packet on Wednesday for the first time all the way through! LoL. Crazy me, but how funny, no?)
After the individual medals, they announced the team places for each category. Man, that was niiiice. We placed third in everything but math, econ, and botany. We placed second in botany......umm...what the hell?? That crap was hard. They announced super quiz last.....(oy, best part!)......because they make a big deal about it and give a huge trophy and medals out to everyone on the team......and.....OHS GOT FIRST IN SUPER QUIZ!!!!!! Holy cow, the look on SIMI VALLEY'S face was ABSOLETELY PRICELESS!!! Yes, that is right, "ghetto-assed Oxnard" beat SIMI VALLEY!! Hah! Put that in your pipe and smoke it! OHMIGOSH....what a great feeling that was. Every second I have spend on Acadeca during the past SEVEN MONTHS of my LIFE was worth that single moment when we were announced and every single jaw belonging to the simi valley team hit the floor, no joke. Mr. Borneman (who did super quiz with us) was the happiest I have *ever* seen him. And I have seen that man pretty darn happy. The second greatest feeling was when Santa Susana was announced as third over all (out of 14 schools and 24 teams).....and then OHS was announced as SECOND!!! WAhooooo!!!! We did better than OHS has EVER done, AND (this is wonderful) we *DO NOT* have to study ANYMORE for the state competition in mid-March. It would have been cool to go.....but crimmany, I REALLY REALLY wanted my life back!! I missed Gillian....I missed reading......I missed SLEEP.....hoy, it really was crazy. ACADEMIC DECATHLON IS A CULT. A cult, however, that paid off, and I am so stoked that every thing worked out perfectly. Life is amazing sometimes. Simply amazing.

Though everyone is happy to be done studying......it is actually quite sad that it has to end. I remember hearing Mr. Conte say that the team was never going to work, in September. He thought there were too many conflicting personalities, and no real sense of unity. But during the past months, it has been so amazing to see the team become just that....a team. Practically a family. I think everyone began looking forward to the sessions and to spending time with each other. Studying was a chore....but it became a pleasant chore. The team would have been completely different had anyone not been there. Everyone added something different. And looking back on everything....I honestly had a lot of fun.

After the ceremony, the group, wearing their medals, stood behind the trophies and families and friends took pictures for, what felt like, ever. Everyone was really excited. It reminded me of band comps when the drum majors present the trophies to the band from the field. Accomplishment is such a good feeling. Damn, it felt good.

After pictures we decided to eat in Ventura. Red Robin's was fun and the food was soo good! (hehe). During dinner, I'm sure I wasn't the only one who realized that we weren't going to see each other as much anymore, and that we were probably never going to be as close as we had become. Drifting happens, but so goes life. The memories will remain, and I simply have to look at pictures to be taken back to the good times......it's nice to have so many. (Perhaps that's why I am so picture obsessed......I like looking back on things that make me happy during times that aren't.)
Anyway after diner it was pretty early (about 8), so Amanda was able to get the team into the movies for free. So awesome of her! Lost in Translation had excellent cinematography, I thought, but was an artsy movie and most people got bored. I was laying in Ash's lap and had my legs up on Andrew. Quite comfy! It was only about ten when that ended and the tired people went home. Ashley and I were sitting in her car in front of my house after taking Isaac home, when Andrew called telling us he was still awake and not tired. Wheee! Hehe....so we drove to Ashley's house and Andrew picked us up and we drove around a bit. We ended up driving up to Ojai (which Andrew is quite familiar with since it is where his ex-girl friend, Molly, lives). Anyway, he got off on a side road that led off into the mountains where he and his friends like to drive rather quickly on. He actually wasn't going very fast at all- speed limit, nothing more. But then the light of the full moon caught my eye and an Ataris song suddenly started playing and I couldn't help but be brought back to a late night last year....May 17th to be exact. I said I was sorry to spoil the fun, but that I had a bad feeling in my stomach, and that someone else had gotten the same bad feeling earlier. Andrew was really cool about it and said he was superstitious too. He said he was always careful when other people were in the car and was really respectful of Ashley and me. (Ash was a bit freaked about the windy and dark road as well.) I felt really safe driving with him and the night turned into a nice moon-lit drive in the beautiful Ojai mountains. The stars are so bright over there. I absolutely loved it. (Haha....I'll post about the time Ash and I high jacked Andrew's car after a study session and I was driving it around the parking lot.....ohman....what a crazy night.)

Anyway, enough procrastinating. It's time to do english homework......11:30 already? Oh my. How time flies when you aren't doing homework.

*song of Saturday*
We Are The Champions- Queen

*song of today*
Cuentame al Oido- La Oreja De Van Gogh
(They are a really good group from Madrid. I couldn't DL any of their music, so I just ordered the CD from Amazon. I had been listening to The Postal Service and ColdPlay practically ceaselessly. It wasn't too healthy for me though. I'm not making things any easier for myself. But that is an entirely different story. One which I neither want to think or write about.)

Ok, benas noches a todos!
Thank you to all who supported acadeca and wished us good luck. (Including the unspoken good-luck wishes, those helped too! hehe. I wuv yew Gillianie.)

Who's the best? MOORPARK! Who's second best? SIMI! But who rocks the house? OXNARD! Whoo!

-Amy's blog

Cwc986: WAHHOOOOO!!!!! SECOND PLACE!!!! :-D Go OHS!!
Cwc986: I'm so glad all the work paid off!
Cwc986: (hehe, anyway, off to bed, but just wanted to share some excitement that I still have!!)
BGonetoMaui: I am really proud of you guys and gals. It was a true team effort and you should be very proud of yourselves!
Cwc986: We really are.....it's a very nice feeling!
BGonetoMaui: Success usually is...a good feeling! See you tomorrow. Nighty-night
Cwc986: Good night and thanks for everything!

I'll put up pictures eventually....I promise!

2004-02-04T18:49:00.000-08:00

Yes, Academic Decathlon is officially a cult...

Studying from 7:15am-5:15pm practically straight.......is insanity. My brain actually hurts....ow....oooowww.....make it stop.
The study session today at school from 1:30-5:15 was excellent. Everyone just sat quietly and read. The last ten minutes or so, we decided to show our uber nerdiness and a "highlighter war" broke out. It was vicious, you have no idea. But fun as hell and desperately needed after hours and hours of....sitting.....quitely....and reading.
(I'll post funny pictures when I get around to it.)

We had better rock on Saturday.

Count down to Acadeca comp: TWO DAYS!!

Oh, and I need to express the awesomeness of Borneman. I got a chance to talk to him for a bit after the session about some misunderstanding that needed clarification. I know he was never going to say a word about it if I didn't say anything first, so I decided to. He tries to stay out of the lives of students for the most part, but apparently it's inevitable sometimes. We actually talked quite a bit about personal stuff during the trip to China two summers ago, which made this more comfortable I think. Anyway, I'm really glad I explained to him, because he ended up telling me exactly what I needed to hear. Not that I hadn't heard it before, but I suppose hearing it from someone that I deeply respect and look up to made an impression.

2004-02-03T22:59:00.000-08:00

this is my way to live

What about yours?

made by rav-chan

2004-02-03T22:09:00.000-08:00

2004-02-01T22:09:00.000-08:00

"Then suddenly he felt a quickening in him. His heart turned and he leaned his back against the counter for support. For in a swift radiance of illumination he saw a glimpse of human struggle and of valor. Of the endless fluid passage of humanity through endless time. And of those who labor and of those who—one word—love. His soul expanded. But for a moment only. For in him he felt a warning, a shaft of terror… he was suspended between radiance and darkness. Between bitter irony and faith."
-The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

2004-02-01T20:53:00.000-08:00

Who says Acadeca kids are nerds??

I think playing tag in the library is something everyone ought to do before graduation. LoL. It was such a blast- highly needed and deserved. We spent a good two hours of straight reading in Borneman's room, then migrated to the library when B's American Gov. Student's came to make up the final they failed (sometimes I wonder about college prep kids...). We read for a bit, but soon started a game of tag somehow. There is probably no better place to play. Only half the lights were on, so the book shelves were fairly dark. Jumping on top of and over tables was *great*. Afterwards we discoverd the cammeras, but decided that it would be really ironic if the school suspended the entire Academic Decathlon team for playing tag . (Thought it would give us this next week off to study for the competition!!!)
Despite the blisters I developed from my sandals, it was really fun. I didn't even mind the rug burned knees I got from jumping off the table with the computers trying to tag Andrew. It reminded me of when I was younger....grade school......absolutely loving recess where I would run non-stop, mostly after boys, not caring how hurt I would get. In Spain the school I went to had a court yard just the right size for "pilla-pilla" (tag in Spanish), and I don't think the boys there were used to having their butts kicked by a girl, from California no less. I had a ridiculous amount of energy, and sometimes I still do. I suppose running helps me get some of it out, but I love physical activity in general. (Man, I *really* want to learn how to surf soon.)
Anyway, Saturday was quite a nice bonding day for the team, (and for Chris' hip and the floor.....hehe, poor guy). The comp is THIS SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 7TH, so make sure to be extra nice and encouraging to the team this week........WE NEED TO DO WELL!! (All food donations are eagerly accepted) =)

Gillian's party Saturday night was quite fun, as expected. It was refreshingly different to just hang out with friends from school and not be stressed out over one thing or another. Gillian looked pwetty, (though she copied my outfit, lol!).

Why today rocked:
I went to Starbucks around 12 to do acadeca and Aby showed up around 1 to read, and she brought me food!!! :o) Hurrah! It made me happy because I was getting hunger. Then she had to leave and Luis showed up around 4 (because he works at 5). Hahaha.....he's still on love with Megan. The physics group was at starbucks one night when Max randomly asked Luis to join us. He thought we were crazy, but said sure. Ever since then we see him there some nights and just stop and chat for awhile. Usually Ashley is with me though. We talked for a bit about random topics then discovered that we were both going through similar situations. His girl friend cheated on him while down in LA and they've been off and on ever since. He said he still loves her, which is why he's still with her, but nothing's been the same because he just can't trust her anymore. Poor guy.
Zoila was working today and man, she is always so happy and excited. It gives me a kick to see her. Jen as well. At first she thought I was 20 and in college, lol! Haha.....Sam told her I was only 17 and in high school and she flipped out...it was pretty funny. She's so cute.

Okie doke, off to shower after an amazing run and dinner. I love running at night. Everything is so still and peaceful. The moonlight paints everything silver.

Count down to acadeca: FIVE DAYS!

*song of the day*
Estory Aqui- Shakira

2004-01-30T21:50:00.000-08:00

Gillian, Happy Birthday!!

I can't believe how old we're getting. I'll accept it, but sheesh...it's just....odd. I wrote all the sappy stuff I was going to say in your card this morning, so I won't post any of it, lol. Disneyland was fun and I'm glad we got to go for your birthday!

*song of the day*
Clark Gable- The Postal Service

Count-down to Acadeca Competition: ONE WEEK

2004-01-29T23:20:00.000-08:00

They won't see us waving from such great heights, 'come down now,' they'll say, but everything looks perfect from far away...

Newly added item to my "greatest things on earth" list= a venti cup of whipped cream covered with caramel sauce! Ok, it may sound gross, but oh man......it seriously made me really happy tonight. Ash and I went to starbucks to study for acadeca and we were incredibly hyper, mostly due to grades and the fact that finals are over. Zoila, who works at starbucks, is always really cheerful and perky and when we told her about our grades and how we did on finals see was super happy for us and then we all started jumping and dancing (because she knew how much we had studied for everything and how important it was to us.) Anyway, then she said we needed to celebrate and made us two huge cups of whipped cream......it was godly. We were insanely hyper. Sam left just before I got there, but I'll just tell him Sunday. He usually comes in around four and should be pretty jazzed for us.

Hehehe...ok, time to put my energy to use working on a surprise for someone tomorrow..... :o) I think a birthday is approaching quite quickly....as in, 40 minutes quickly!! (Hehe, good thing she won't read this before tomorrow morning...wahoo! Tomorrow= Disneyland!)

Oh! Happy Three and a Half Year Aniversary, Malou and Marcus!!
Congradulation :o)

You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-01-29T18:57:00.000-08:00

I Pulled A Freaking B in Calculus AP!!!

Omg.....the excitement that this creates in me is ridiculous. I was so filled with joy when I asked Hilburn. I thought I had failed miserably....but...I didn't!! Thank you whom ever was praying for me! :o)
I got a 138/200 on the bio final and after checking my grade and catching some points Lanning hadn't put in, I was up to a 91%! Sweeeeeeet. It made me really happy. I was walking with Max when we got our grades and I think my enthusiasm scared him and even more so when I gave him a huge excited hug, lol.
We didn't get our physics grades, but I had a pretty stable A, so I'll just keep my fingers crossed. I was a little disappointed with my B in English....but it's ok, I really can deal with it. Easy A's in Conte's econ and Hilburn's TA, yay!

Yes, finals= officially over!

And I'm still alive? Wow.

Oh! For some reason I was strangely motivated last night and set a few goals. Acadeca- I'm determined to beat Isaac on at least 6 of the events, mostly because he doesn't think I can. I think music and lit are going to be the two I push for this year. We covered music today after school and it was uberly interesting.....I actually really enjoy all that music theory crap, and I miss playing in band :-/. AP test goals: English Literature- 4, Biology- 5, Physics- 3/4, Calc- 3/4. I might do the Spanish one over just because I *know* I can do better than last year's stupid 4, and if I feel motivated enough, I might even study for the Spanish Literature test....how cool would that be? I'm strongly considering minoring in it, so why not go for the test? And then, if I feel reaaally crazy, I'm going to study for the chem one again. I figure if I can pass it then I won't have to deal with some low level crazy freshman class. Last year I studied my butt off and got a 4 in World History, (which made me quite happy and feeling accomplished). So why not take a few extra ones this year too. I may as well, right?

Count down to acadeca: 8 Days

*song of the day*
The Scientist- Coldplay

2004-01-27T23:45:00.000-08:00

DerrickRastafanX: but shit happens...... its life and what can you do.

Some days, I underestimate Aaron.

2004-01-27T16:56:00.000-08:00

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd

Well, my physics and bio finals are over. I'm almost positive that I've lost my A in physics, which depresses me entirely too much. Screw it. We get to do the second hour of the bio test on Thursday morning (since I have it for zero period), so at least I have another day to study for that. What really has me nervous though....is my calculus final on Thursday :-/ I need to get a B or better to keep my B. Possible? I really, *REALLY* hope so.
I'm getting a B in English, there's no way around that. (Mrs. Hilburn is insane, but awesome and hilarious!) I think I'm heading for a B in Bio too, which bugs me. I could have pulled an A, I know it. I guess I did miss class excessively in November and December (but my new years resolution was to be there and on time for the rest of the semester, which I did!).
Anyway....there goes my 4.4 *sigh*. Oh well, I'm feeling pretty over it at the moment. Give me my dang diploma and let me go. I've had enough.

I hadn't listened to The Postal Service since Erin told me about them last summer, but I herd them playing at Starbucks last week and then decided to burn a CD for my car and to take to school. They remind me of Placebo, (who also are very good). Anyway, I've been listening to them a lot lately. I guess I'm just in one of those moods.

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. Well, let me just say, they could not be more far from the truth. It's been 21 days.....one hour......twenty minutes..... Habit not broken.....heart not healed...... mind not cleared....... it's not getting easier.
I suppose the music and the movie didn't help. I've been thinking about Love The Hard Way since Saturday night. Isaac said there was no point to the movie. I think I see one, but it all has to do with whether or not you think Jack (Adrien Brody) has actually changed in the end. I know is was irrational for Claire (Charlotte Ayanna), a bright, beautiful Columbia student, to ruin her life for the bad boy she was in love with. Though, I think her turn to prostitution was simply to make a point and to hurt Jack, like Gillian said. But as Malou said it was stupid, I must admit it was a bit extreme. Malou and Isaac also criticized her for going back to Jack after he had broken his promise of not continuing to coning or sleeping with a million women. But she went back. And then he tried to end it (because he was scared), but again Claire stayed. Finally being busted, Jack goes to jail for two years. Claire tries, unsuccessfully, to kill her self in Jack's apartment. At the end of Jack's service Claire agrees to see him. The end of the film ends ambiguously as Claire allows Jack to walk her to one of her classes. By the end of the film, Jack's appearance has changed noticeably. Have his actions changed though? If she takes him back, what is he going to do?
Malou said Claire was stupid for going back to him in the first place. But if Jack had never met Claire, then he would still be living a life of promiscuity and crime. I think it was Claire's love for Jack, and vise versa, that impacted Jack's life and changed his behavior. She believed in him.

Blah. Ok, I'm sick of typing. I'm sick of thinking. Off I go to study for Calc and Bio...

I guess it's days like these that make me question everything. The stress....the pain....the apathy....the emotions..... everything is getting to me and I just want to disappear from it all....

*song of the day*
The Postal Service- Nothing Better

2004-01-25T19:37:00.000-08:00

Come what may.

A fourth of the pews were blocked by construction this morning in Santa Clara. Apparently they're either repainting parts of the ceiling, or doing something with the stained glass windows. In either case, all the metal bars and wooden planks reminded me of the cathedrals in Spain. It seems like constuction or repairs are always being done to sooomething there. During winter break, we visited the cathedrals in Toledo, Granada, and Sevilla. I was once again in awe of the sheer size and the infinite intricate details dedicated to each church. My neck cramped from looking so long upward to the ceiling and the vibrantly colored stained glass windows that lined the church's highest walls. I wondered how people could have possibly built something that architecturally difficult and complex (and *massive*) so many hundreds of years ago. Cathedrals and churches are always the largest structures in towns (Well, atleast they were before modern times, but in larger cities such as Madrid, Malaga, and Barcelona they have new been out sized by new builings.) Besides size, the other thing that absolutely amazed me was the details in every square inch. The interior lower walls are completely covered, if not by paint, then by wooden carvings covering entire walls. I spend hours just walking around looking at everything. People used to buy portions of the church to decorate, and some not only decorated their section, but put their family tombs there as well. Crazy.
My favorite cathedral was probably the one in Toledo. I had never been there before this trip (that I remembered) even thought it was relatively close to Madrid. My family and I went there the last day of our trip and I fell in love with the city instantly. ( I love Madrid too, but for different reasons.) Toledo is on a hill top and surrounded by a river (as all ancient fighting cities were- that way, they were easier to defend) all the streets are made of stone and are really, REALLY narrow. (No wonder there are only small cars in Spain. No SUV's= joy!) The city is reasonably sized and its a great work out to walk up and down the hills for hours.....I should know because at one point I lost track of my father, brother, sister, and uncle, and found myself....*alone*. I was a bit worried, but ended up having a wonderful time (lol). I wandered around the entire city...up....down....up...down.....I knew where major things were like the Cathedral, El Greco's house and museum, the Alcazar, and the restaurant we had eaten lunch in....I just didn't know where my family was! By the time I finally found them (sitting in the plaza in front of the cathedral) I had walked practically ever street in the city and gone through an entire roll of film. Film, comfortable shoes, and an amazing place are all I need to make me happy some times. (If I ever move to Spain, I'm definitely going to consider Toledo, despite the lack of beach. It is a bit touristy, but it's just so charming and captivates feelings of antiquity. You step in the city....and you're suddenly gone back in time. Life is lived at a slower pace, people aren't in a hurry or worry about anything. Everyone is so friendly and laid back. Gawd, I love it.)

Anyway, that's what was going through my mind as I wasn't paying attention to the liturgy this morning....

Otras cosas
Saturday's acadeca session was really long, but productive I guess. I can't believe the comp. in in less then two weeks now.....February 7th. The entire team has been studying so much, it's insane. I hope we do well. Honestly, I can't wait for it all to be over though. I really would like my life back. I haven't read a single book for fun since the year began. Do you know how depressed that makes me??? *Extremely*!!! I love reading, almost as much as the beach, or running......and not being able to have time to read the books I want to makes me unhappy. I have two entire shelves in my room full of books I've been accumulating just waiting to be read. I can't wait until acadeca is over.

I'd also like to see my friends a bit more. (Gillianie who?) Last weekend I actually hung out with Malou and Gillian for awhile (I <3 three day weekends). And this weekend I watched movies at Gillian's house on Saturday night with Isaac and Malou. I wish we all had more time for each other, like before. It feels like we're all slowly drifing....and we haven't even left for college yet. :-/ Are we growing up, or just becomming more self involved?
The worst though is when we do hang out, and then we get cranky and bitchy at each other. Why? No clue. But I know I don't like it. Do people just become less patient when they grow up, or are we all just so stressed out that we can't keep perspective of anything anymore? I suppse the movie we were watching, Love the Hard Way, (with Adrien Brody) didn't help either. It was a really good film, but it was making me sad. You don't get to choose whom you fall in love with, and you certainly don't get to choose what that person does. Malou kept saying the girl was stupid for going back to her horrible boyfriend who had ruined her life. The movie had a happy ending though. I wish life always worked out the way you wanted it to. I fucking hate movies sometimes.

I wish we were little again. I wish I could disappear to Spain for a few years.

2004-01-23T22:59:00.000-08:00

The Beach + Running = Happiness

Today was simply amazing. Around four I decided to go running. I wanted to run to the pier like I used to, because it's so pretty near the ocean, but I just decided to drive and then run around the promenade area.
The beach was so gorgeous. It was clear, so you could see the Channel Islands really well. The sun was setting slowly painting everything shades of gold. With every breath of salty sea air I could feel myself relaxing more and more. Just looking out into the sunset made me feel peaceful. Maybe that's why I'm so in love with the beach...it's so constant and dependable. It never fails to make me feel good, even through the crappiest of times. I go there and I know I'll feel better, period. It's the same thing with running. I know that no matter what extreme emotion I am feeling, I can go run for a few miles, calm down, and suddenly put everything into perspective. I don't know if I'll be able to survive anywhere but the coast. (Note to self: Beachfront Apartments on the beach looked really pretty . If I live in Ventura County after college I am *definitely* living within walking distance to the beach, preferably a beach in Ventura.)
The people along the promenade seemed really friendly. For a moment it felt like I was back on a beach in Malaga (I wish). There were a ton of surfers out today! Oh man, I was not complaining. Someday soon I really want to learn to surf. How awesome would that be? Oh! There were lots of other runners out too! :o)

I got back to my car, snapped a few pictures, and then went home to shower not expecting my day to possibly get *any* better, since the only other place I was going tonight was Starbucks to study. (It's funny and strange how things work out and come together though.) Anyway, the group there studied for awhile.......mostly talked though....but had fun......and then something truly coincidental (perhaps fated since it was the *third* time) happened. I was genuinely surprised to even see this person again, (at a different starbucks this time, no less!) When I said "See ya around" last Sunday, I honestly didn't think we'd ever see each other again. I could not believe my eyes. Well, anyway, we didn't have a chance to talk to much since we were both with other people, but as he was leaving, he did something that almost floored me. Believe me, I was excited (and a bit astounded), and if you don't believe me....ask Christy! (hehe). It was strange though......one of those odd coincidences that really makes you think. Yet, at the same time, I think somethings are better simply accepted than questioned......doncha suppose?? =D

And with that, I conclude how my "couldn't-get-any-better day" got better.
It's nice to know that I can be happy again. Accept things...and move on.
C'est la vie, n'est pas?

2004-01-21T22:56:00.000-08:00

Del amor al odio, solamenta hay un paso

This morning I saw something unbelievably cute. About 5 minutes into 0 period, Chris (Davies) walks into Bio with a gorgeous bouquet of red roses (sooo pretty!), hands them to Christy, hugs and kisses her, and leaves. Mr. Lanning gave Christy grief about it, and Chris said it was for their eight month anniversary.
For some reason, just watching the whole thing made me smile. I could tell Christy was uberly surprised and excited. Good for her, she deserves to be happy.

Funny moment in Acadeca-

Me: So where did Isaac and Josh go.....?
Amy, Christy, and Borneman: *exchange glances then begin laughing*

(Ok, it's not as funny now, but when Josh walked back in and thought we were joking about him masturbating we were all laughing uncontrollably because he had no idea that we were talking about something else....)

2004-01-21T21:49:00.000-08:00

Wahoo! Dee, I loveth thee!

Thank You!!

2004-01-21T15:31:00.000-08:00

This blog has been sprinkled with fairy dust.

- the html fairy

2004-01-21T00:11:00.000-08:00

Birds Chirping: Sweet and mellow, you are the
familiar and pleasant sound of birds chirping.
You are very down to earth and love the
outdoors. You show a love for simple things,
like the quiet whisper of the wind and the
crackling of the fire. You make people feel
secure and are a great friend. (please rate my
quiz)

What Sound Are You?(now w/ pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

I actually got rain the first time, but this picture reminded me of a really pretty sketch someone gave me.

2004-01-20T23:45:00.000-08:00

I am an Intellectual

Which America Hating Minority Are You?

Take More Robert & Tim Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim Cartoons

LoL...funny quiz...

2004-01-20T23:37:00.000-08:00

I do realize that no one can see the pictures of the beach anymore, so a new template shall be installed shortly. In the mean time (for those of you who still read this) sorry for the boring black and white plainness.

2004-01-20T23:27:00.000-08:00

So much for so much more

On Monday a miracle took place. I officially believe in the unbelievable. Yes, I, Cristina Sara Wheeler Castillo, cleaned my room. Don't laugh, I know this may not sound like an astounding feat for most, but you haven't seen my room. I liked to refer to it as an organized mess, thought I suppose normal people would legitimately label it a disaster area. *shrug* Anyway, after months and months of a barely visable path way leading to the ladder of my bunk bed, I officially have, *gasp*, carpet! Who would have guessed it? Certainly not I. This is not to say that I am necessarily a disorganized person, or completely unanal-retentive once I begin cleaning. I simply did care about it enough and knew it was just going to get messy again anyway. To hell with it I said.

Why the change? Why the sudden compelling urge to clean? Well, a variety of reasons, actually, that seemed to have all dramatically climaxed and led to a sudden burst of productivity yesterday morning. The rational and above the surface motivation was simply that I needed to regain the use of the desk to study in my room instead of letting the overgrowth of clothes from my closet remain uncontrolled. I would continue studying in the dining room, but the volume and frequency of my brother and sister's arguments have, over time, driven me away (to say nothing of insanity).

The deeper reasons for the change are more numerous, but also more personal. I suppose it would be best to start at the beginning, which consist of me sitting at Starbucks on Sunday morning studying for acadeca. Tired after a few hours of mind-stimulating econ, (the greatest subject in the ENTIRE acadeca competition) I put my packet down for a moment and sat quietly. Soon, thoughts I did not wish to dwell on began parading around in my mind. Try as I might to chase them away, they would not budge. This had become a common occurrence during the last two weeks. I seriously doubt anyone quite understands how difficult the past 14 days have been for me, mostly because I haven't talked about it much to anyone, and partially because I've been trying (unsuccessfully) not to think about it. Well, let me say this now. I never knew that it would take this much strength to betray my heart to do something I know must be done. I never knew it was possible to be so deeply wounded. And I never knew it was going to be this hard to hold to my word of not speaking to him and to let him go completely. He sure hasn't made it very easy; Ashley said she hadn't seen anyone try harder, and I can certainly agree. It takes every ounce of my will power not to answer my cell when he calls, or to respond to IMs, letters, texts, and emails. It hurts because I want to go running back so badly, and have things how they were before, but I know that it can simply not be so. I'm a very understanding person, but I do respect my self, and there is a definite line between understanding and being stupid, as there is between integrity and stubbornness. I'm not being hard-headed, I'm just not going to get walked all over like that. I'm just not going to allow it, no matter how much it pains me.

But ANYWAY, on with our story....

So, as I sat there thinking how utterly crappy things had been, I remembered/realized that things never cease oscillating, and that this rain cloud of grief could only bring the prettiest of rainbows. Sort of like a karma/ balance of life kind of thing. With that thought in mind, and a newly calmed soul, I got back to work.
Later that day, two things happened that completely supported my realization. I don't really want to get into them too much, but one was an utterly amazing and delightful coincidence (a person) that I'm bound to write about later, and the other one was my new (refound?) view of religion during a talk with Ashley. I could try to expand, but I don't feel comfortable writing about it. (Isn't it funny that I can ramble forever about my love life, but religion is too personal a subject? Odd.) Anyway, to sum it up, I felt a lot better about something that had been bothering me for about the last six months.

Ok, now to connect it to the clean room. Basically it boils down to control. Somewhere along the way, I had the strange notion that my room's cleanliness was out of my control because I knew it was just going to get dirty again anyway, so why bother? Well, it was the same thing with religion, I felt that certain things were out of my power, so why even make an effort? I decided just to give in, what the heck? I realize now, though, that I have control over the things that I do, and that they DO make a difference even the times I think they don't. To live without conviction is no life at all.

Now as I sit here in my room looking around in amazement at my carpet, my neatly organized closet and shelves, listening to my acadeca CD, and sporadically glancing at the unopened letters on my desk, I know things aren't perfect and never will be, but at least I have a certain amount of control over the things in my life. Time makes things easier to deal with anyway, and in the end, the things you cannot control, tend to work themselves out.

2004-01-07T02:32:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I don't believe in third chances

Today I had the single hardest phone conversation in my entire life. It's a shame when people don't stop to think about the consequences of their actions or how their decisions are going to impact the people they supposedly care about. It's the disadvantage of being human I guess, one has to act without seeing what exactly those actions will bring. But this is inexcusable. He should have fucking known. He should have fucking thought for once about someone other than himself. Maybe I'm the stupid one for ever believing he could change. That he *had* changed. Thank you for proving me wrong, you're wonderful.
I don't care how badly you try to gain my sympathy. I've made my decision. Actually, no. You made that decision for me, I had no say in the matter whatsoever. I can't control your actions. What were you thinking?? And save the sorrys please, a million words from your lips will never change what you've done. I can't forgive you this time. You will have to live with what you have done. My dear, I sure hope it was worth it....

Gillian once asked me what it was going to take for me to finally loose my trust in you. The third strike, I told her. I didn't expect it though. I honestly thought he was capable of change. Maybe he is and has changed and this is just some slip up because he is a different person in California than he is when he's not here. If that is the case then it makes things even harder for me. Because I still have to do what I did. Again, I hope it was worth it for him.

I really am going to miss him though, more than he knows. I had gotten used to the texts everyday and the calls every night. I had gotten used to the reassurance he gave me and the funny things he would say. I had gotten used to him and I really started caring about him.

That's why saying goodbye to him for good was so hard...

Se cayo nuestro amor de cristal.
Adios para siempre mi amor, te hechare de menos.

2003-12-25T12:27:00.000-08:00

I just don´t think it´s fair for one person to be in heaven for six days straight...

I sit here staring at the computer not even knowing what to type. Words will do nothing that I am experiencing justice. Imagine perfect bliss for a moment- what ever it may be to you individually- now multiply it by about a thousand and you´ll know how amazing I feel being back here in Spain.

We got to Madrid on Friday night and went out around the city on Saturday with my Abuelitos. The Prado was even more breath taking than I thought it would be. What a different experience it was for me that day compared to when I was 4, 7, 10, and even 13. I loved everything we studied in Borneman´s class, and to see the art works in real life and for once understand the history, the significance, the meaning....everything......was a delight beyond the capacity of words. I must have spent 5 or 6 hours just walking around, looking, taking everything in. I would have stayed all day if I could have.
Madrid has changed some from what I remember, but perhaps what has really changed is me and my perception. The city seems smaller some how, though by no means is. I can´t believe how friendly the people are. I can´t believe that there is a bar on every street that serves curros y chocolate and a perfect cafe con leche....no Starbucks...no tea leaf......no chains hardly at all.....just privatly restaurantsraunts, bars, hotels, stores. I love it. Yes, it´s cold, and yes, people smoke a lot, but those are about the only two complains I could possibly make. I couldn´t believe how many people there were in Plaza Mayor the night we were there. The entire city was lit and everyone was dressed up with crazy wigs, noise balloons and other things. Everyone was singing and dancing and just having a nice time. I couldn´t believe how many people there were though.....my goodness. It took us forever to get on the metro to the trainstation to get back to Alacala. It was litterally a sea of people. There was a steady stream pouring out of the metro entrance making it difficult to even get near the stairs going down. And forget about trying to squeeze on to the trains themselves...ay dios....que lio. Anyway, it was wonderfull.

Two days ago Lizzy, Lawrence, Daddy, the Abuelitos, Tio Joaqin, y yo drove down from Madrid to Humilladero (near Malaga in the south) where my Tia, Tio, y primos all live. The drive was incredible. Spain is absolutely gorgeous. It had rained a lot in fall so now everything is lush and green in Andalucia. All I saw for miles and miles was farn lands blending with the houses and occational cities or pueblecitos. The houses are so pretty....all white.....all with redish tile and cool windows....some really really old that add to the character. There are so many olive trees.....olive trees for years....no joke. They grow other things too, but from the drive, you wouldn´t think so. I couldn´t believe how beautiful everything was- so clean, so pretty. I thought I was in love with the country then, but...

Then we arrived to Humilladero...
There are so many things I could say about this pueblo: the place, the people, the food, the culture, the dancing, music, the way of life.....but what I have found to be the most amazing is.....the family that I am redisscovering. There is a picture of all of the family in 1995 hanging on my wall. That was the last time everyone was together, and not even then because three kids have been born since then. Today 16 of us spent the day together: Lizzy, Lawrence, Daddy; Tia Carmen, Tio Joaqin, Gonzalo, Alvaro, Ignacio, Ana; Tia Isa, Tio Txema, Marta; Abuelita Rosario; Abuelita Maruja, Abuelito Rafael, y yo. Marta is 6 and the youngest cousin, and I´m 17 and the oldest cousin- there are 6 other cousins. Gonzalo is the same age as Lizzy, 14, and has changed so much in the past three years, it´s incredible. I suppose they all have, and so have we, we just don´t see it. I still can´t believe it though.....to me he´s still the little boy in the picture in the hall way and Ignacio is still the little boy with the crazy hair on my tea mug. Everyone´s grown up. Hard to accept, but I guess we have to. Change happens....
The three little ones are so adorable. The two girls- Marta and Ana- are both 6, and Ignacio is 7 or 8....hmm...I should find out for sure. Anyway, everyone had so much fun playing today. We brought our football americano with us so the kids all played after lunch. It was so nice to be with family again. In California we have no relatives whatsoever. Holidays are usually spent with friends, though we do usually go to Arizona for Christmas (where my father´s mother, sister, and three older children live- all off at college now). I had forgotten what the summers we would come to Spain were like.....there we so many people, por dios! That´s what it was like today......an endless stream of poeple to talk to, play with, tickle, laugh with, play basketball with, etc. It was weird, but so wonderful. I love having such a big family but hate having everyone so far away. I might just take up the neighbros offer and stay at her house from now on......you guys wouldn´t miss me too much right? Hehe. As much as I love this country I would deffinately miss mis amigos....seriously.

(Being called to the dinner table.....must wrap up.)

Another wierd thing about being back= all the people who remember me. This town is pretty small, and I love it, I love it. All my class mates from 5th grade still remember me and when I went to midnight mass with my Tia everyone was so excited to see me.....it was insanely cool. Everyone has changed so much! Crimany, it´s wierd. I can´t believe everyone still remembers me.....I guess I´m still known as the Chica De California. Everyone is sooo friendly, I can´t get over it.

Ok, time for dinner.

I hope everyone is having a nice Christmas!
I miss the gang and am a bit sad to miss our last one together before college.

Acadeca kids- hope you guys are studying! :o) hehe.
You guys rock.

2003-12-18T04:19:00.000-08:00

But it was dark...

Holy friggin crap.
All of my applications are....FINISHED!!!!

God dang. That took a ridiculously long time. But, oh well, it's all over!

I can't believe that in about 12 hours I will be on a plain headed toward Spain. It hasn't sunken in yet, and probably won't until we reach the airport, maybe not even then due to sleep deprivation. I can't wait though. Two full weeks back in the country I love, with the language I love, surrounded by people I love but rarely see. It's going to be so....surreal. All of it. Seeing all of my relatives again. Having everyone together again after so long.....8 years I think it's been....well, one person will be absent, but she'll be with us in memory sure enough.

I really should pack....I really should wrap gifts....I really should study for Bio and Physics.....oy.....at noon today my marathon will have officially ended and winter break will have officially began. About freaking time.

As overjoyed as I am to be leaving, I'm also kinda depressed about it too. It's our last Christmas all together at home. :-/ I can't believe it. I can't even begin to contemplate how next year is going to work.....fwiends...I shwill mis yew! Malou's Christmas letter made me cry today. I have such wonderful friends. Seriously, I could not function with out your love and support (you know who you guys are...). I wuv you always.

Ok. Time to be productive and cease the rambling.

Good night everyone and I hope everyone has a nice Christmas and New Year!! (Oh, and a nice half a day of Hanukkah for Joshie!)

2003-12-14T23:13:00.000-08:00

You are Fresh Mint.

I've been in a minty mood all weekend. For some reason it just makes me happy......my taste buds dance! :o)

2003-12-14T22:56:00.000-08:00

Someone want to hand me a knife so I can stick it in my chest and twist it around a bit, because I don't think I've quite reached my masochist quota for the day.
-Amy's blog

Hehe....my feelings exaclty on Friday.

I <3 my friends. I really do.
I wasn't going to tell anyway, but I felt better when I did.

Thank you guys for caring. Thank you guys for understanding. Thank you guys for always being there for me and loving me no matter what. There is no greater gift in this world. I love you guys; you know who you are.

Everything will work out. Always has, always will...

2003-12-14T21:43:00.000-08:00

JeSuisBlanchet: FUCK STANFORD
JeSuisBlanchet: and FUCK U
JeSuisBlanchet: wash u that is

So it goes.....anyone want to help blow up the schools?

2003-12-07T21:19:00.000-08:00

Stomach flu?!? Isn't that code for morning sickness....?

Being sick for three days and not being able to eat for two of then sucks much ass, but I suppose I appreciate being healthy a heck of a lot more now. I hate missing school because then I feel behind, but apparently we didn't do too much in those three days, so, shmeeh. Hilburn and Lanning are letting me make up test tomorrow as opposed to Friday, which is nice of them. Mr. Hilburn cracks me up, he always talks about people when they are sick to the rest of the class. "Gosh, poor *insertnamehere*, they are wearing themselves out. They really need to get more sleep...etc." He may be arrogant and egotistical, but I think he really does care about his students, and he's easy enough to get along with as long as you show him respect. I guess it's a good thing that I like him considering I do have him for 3 periods every day. It would be a shame if I hated his guts.

Anyway...
This weekend I was disgustingly productive. It's Sunday night, and for once in a long time I can say that I got so much friggin crap done. I'd say how many hours I spent at Starbucks from Friday until Sunday, but it's completely too ridiculous, so I shan't. I shall, however, describe some adventures from that lovely little coffee shope... Friday night Ash and I were studying Supper Quiz, when whom should show up but Isaac and Mayann! The four of us had fun playing musical chairs with the two nice chairs and the other wooden ones. Handy Mandy was there too and she helped to keep us entertained. Mandy's great. Isaac gets cranky when he's tired, but I love him anyway. I think Ashley and I saw Luis that night too. Luis works at In n Out and was at Starbucks one of the nights a bunch of us were doing Physics problems when superhyper Max calls him over and invites him to sit at our table (Max was not allowed to have caffeine after that point in the evening). We ended up introducing everyone and he eventually left for work but now Ashley and I see him alllll the time in Starbucks and he always stops and chats with us for a while (mostly to inquire about Megan, however.) He's nice, but maybe not the saltiest fry in the bag. Saturday and Sunday were both more interesting, but I shall save those for later since I still need to rewrite my acadeca speech. Joy.

Good Lord, we had better do amazingly this year in acadeca. People are dedicating a lot of time. I feel like I've sold my soul though. If I'm not studying, I feel guilty. I really believe we can do well as a team, and though we've had some team problems, I still think we are doing so much more than we've done in previous years. If you would like to support Aca Deca you can buy candy :-D oooor donate Starbucks cards!!! Preeeeety Pweeeeaaase?? :o)

2003-12-01T00:43:00.000-08:00

*Laughs*

(I just opened up this email....)

Subj: Study Time

Date: 11/28/2003 8:52:47 PM Eastern Standard Time

From: Larry Hilburn

To: [all emails of students in per 2 & 3 calc and Physics AP]

Hi Gang,
Just a reminder, failure to study leads to failure!!
Study, Study
Study, Study
Study, Study
Study, Study
Study, Study
Study, Study

2003-12-01T00:14:00.000-08:00

Goodbye November, Hello December

The weekend was nice, but filled with things to think about.
Very nice none the less.

UC apps deadline was extended until Tuesday night due to the huge amount of people on the server. I couldn't get them in all day, but finally did just before midnight. They're just a back up, so I don't care all that much, but safety schools are necessary I suppose. I hear back from Stanford around the 15th, just before I leave for Spain. Even though I know everything will work out in the end, I'm nervous as all hell and I seem to get sick to my stomach when ever I begin to think about it too much. What happens if I'm not accepted? I'll be disappointed, to say the least, but like Gillian said, what more could I have done? I'll simply have to accept the fact, and move on. So it goes. I guess early decision is both nice and terrible at the same time. You have the chance to know where you'll be going much earlier, if accepted, but if not, you feel embarrassed and disappointed. I know Gillian, Amy, Josh, and I are pretty anxious to get those letters mid-December. What ever happens, happens, no point worrying...

What I should be immediately worried about, however, is my friggen calc test tomorrow, which I have no desire whatsoever to take. We had a Physics chapter test last Wednesday that I did fairly well on. Fourth highest in the class for the first section (he hasn't graded the second part yet) but I was pleasantly surprised nonetheless. Go meeee. Perhaps my A in Physics will balance my C in calc....raarrr. Oh, and having both Hilburn AP classes isn't as bad as people warned us about. Mrs. Hilburn, though scatter-brained, is a good teacher, and Mr. Hilburn, though not a great teacher, is pretty hilarious.

Tea=goodness